Page 32 of This Time Around

“April,” I yell down the hallway as I approach the kitchen where my sister is sitting on the stool at the counter.

“Lu- WHAT the FUCK? You-yo-” Her words fade off.

“Listen to me ok, because I’m not fighting with you over this, April. It’s no fucking secret B and I have feelings for each other, and I know I’m way fucking older than her, but-” She stands and interrupts me.

“I don’t give a fuck how many years are between you. You’re both fucking adults, Luke. I can’t believe you were fucking my best friend and neither one of you had the fucking sense or courtesy to tell me, so I didn’t have to find out by walking in on it. I even asked her last night and she lied to me.”

“She didn’t lie to you. Before last night, nothing was going on between us.”

“So what? You just woke up and decided, I’m going to fuck Blake today, and showed up here?”

“No. You know me better than that.”

“Do I?”

“Why are you so upset about the idea of us?” I know why she’s mad about how she found out, but what I don’t understand is why she’s mad in general?

She lowers her voice from a yell to a very low whisper yell, “She needs someone like you, Luke, and you need anyone fucking else than Noel. Blake is the best fucking thing I could ask to happen to you, but you are coming off a fucking divorce, and she is still recovering from a bad one-night stand with Cash, and I’m not sure either of you are in a fucking place to really be what the other deserves right now,” April pleads.

“April, I stayed far too long in my fucking marriage as it deteriorated around me because I wasn't the husband Noel needed. And while in the end she was the one who cheated, I was the one pinning over my little sister's best friend. I've been head over heels for her since Christmas 5 years ago. When I moved back here I took my fucking feelings for Blake and I tried to ignore them because I was a fucking coward. Well, now that I’ve admitted them, I can’t take them back. This time around-” I lower my voice, “this fucking time around I’m doing things differently than I did with Noel, I am taking my fucking time with Blake so we can be exactly what the other needs.” My voice is cracking slightly as I finish.

“I don’t think either of you is in the right place to take on a relationship right now, and watching you self-destruct isn’t something I want.” She stands and grabs her purse just as Blake comes running out of her room.

“April, please don’t leave. Please,” Blake yells as she enters the main living space.

“Do you love him?” April snaps.

“We’re not,” Blake protests. “This is, this… kind of.”

“So, he’s just a hookup?” April interrupts.

I sigh and let my head fall.

April looks at me, with betrayal in her eyes. “What happened to all that ‘I’m going to take my time’ bullshit you just spewed?” she mocks looking back at Blake. “So, you’re just fucking my brother, and you want me to do what? Be ok with you two having a fling, and just cross my fingers and hope it doesn’t destroy the two most important people in my life, and hope I’m not the one who loses everything in the process?”

“I can’t explain it right now,” Blake’s voice cracks, “He’s more than that. It’s just-”

April storms out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her before Blake can finish her sentence.

Sometime It’s Hard Before It’s Easy

“Cause it’s a bitter sweet symphony, this life…”

-The Verve

Blake

Iknow she didn’t mean to hurt me when she left, but Ana didn’t say a word, just gave me a hug accompanied by an “I told you so” look. It stung, because I know she was right. I was just too stubborn to listen. April deserved to hear I had feelings for her brother from me. She deserved to hear it before anything happened.

“You said you were mine,” Luke whispers, seemingly out of nowhere. “Then acted like we were nothing.” He sighs and starts towards the door.

“Luke,” I grab his arm and pull him into me. He turns and sinks down on the back of the couch. “You know it’s not what I meant. I meant we haven’t been seeing each other behind her back, like she thought we were. Look at me,” I plead, placing my forehead against his. “I am yours. Always have been.”

“Then you’ll be my girlfriend, for real?” he asks.

“Are we in middle school?” I laugh. “I figured you fucking my brains out and me panting your name kind of sealed the deal, but, fuck yes, I will be your girlfriend, Lucas Jennings.”

Without a word, Luke slings me over his shoulder and carries me back to the bedroom. A shriek leaving my mouth as he slaps my ass one time hard enough to leave a mark.