Page 11 of This Time Around

“We are getting ready to eat some food,” I state the obvious, knowing it’s not what she meant.

“No, we’re on something resembling a second date, and if it is something I feel like I have to lie to April about, it can’t be a good idea,” she admits, with her head still buried in her hands.

“Blake, look at me,” I gently command, pulling her hands away. “I love spending time with you. You are amazing, but this is not something resembling a date. This is two old friends enjoying a meal and discussing a book. There is nothing else going on here.”

Lie.

“You are way too young for me, anyway. You are beautiful, but I don’t think of you in that way.”

Another lie.

“I just want your friendship. Nothing more.”

Another fucking lie.

Pain and embarrassment streams across her face and it cuts through me like a knife, and before I can think better of it, my next words tumble out of my mouth uncontrollably, like a car speeding recklessly down an open road. Only, I’m the one being reckless at this moment.

“Come camping with me next weekend.” Fucking masochist. “I’m going with some people from work for one night. I was going to stay two so I could go fishing. Bring a tent, and we’ll make some new friends. There is a mix of guys and girls, so it won’t be weird. It’s also a fairly mixed crowd, so not everyone knows each other.”

“No, it’s cool. I have some work to do this weekend. Listen, I really enjoyed this time with you. It’s been fun getting to know you better, but I have to get going. I have an early meeting tomorrow.” She throws down some cash and stands.

“We haven’t even eaten yet,” I point out.

Shit, say something. You fucked it all up, you idiot.

“Blake, wait,” I urge, placing my hand on hers. Her eyes meet mine with an expression I can’t place. “Please come with me. I’m the new guy at work, and I’m also kind of the old guy. It would be nice to have someone there, I trust. A real friend. Please.”

“Fine,” she murmurs after a long pause, “but you’re setting up my tent. I hate that shit, and you’re buying my burger.”

“If I pick up the bill, won’t that make this a date?”

“Fuck off Luke.” She smiles, and fuck, I’m done for.

That smile, the way it lights up her face, like she knows exactly what it does to me,has me spiraling.

I can’t keep pretending I’m in control. Not anymore.

A Step Back

“Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts”

-No Doubt

Blake

You would think after a week to think it over, I would have come to my senses and told Luke no.

“Blake! What were you thinking?” Ana scolds from the other end of the line.

“I wasn’t thinking. That’s the problem.”

“Do you have feelings for him?” she asks.

“I’m attracted to him.”

“Blake, you act like you have feelings for him. What happens when everyone else goes home and you’re in the woods with him by yourself?”

“Nothing, Ana. Nothing happens. We go fishing, and come home.”