Page 42 of Conceal

Her sated smile falls a little, and she breaks eye contact. Lev’s watching her, too, even though Roman’s still glaring at his phone.

She wraps the comforter around her, covering her body from us.

Finally, she meets my eyes again. “I hate not knowing how long this will last,” she says and signs and I let out a breath. It’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. And I’m sure something Lev and Ro have struggled with, too.

I don’t have any reassuring answers for her, though. If we get the phone call today that they’ve uncovered who sent the shooter, she could potentially go back to school and pick right back up where she left off. Would things go back to normal? Would we go back to just being friends? Would she go back to trying to go on dates with other men? I’m not sure I’d survive that.

But also, what if they don’t? What if they don’t find anything for months?

According to the forecast, the snow should melt off by the end of the week. But then what? Is this our new home?

So, I gather my courage and sign, “This doesn’t have to end.“

I watch her as her eyes go distant. She’s working out what a future would look like with all of us. The pros and cons. The family ramifications. I look at Lev to see if he’s on the same page - if he’s willing to risk it all to continue being with her. I expect him to object, or want to stick to our ‘what happens in the cabin stays in the cabin’ rules, but he’s unusually quiet, elbows on his knees, watching Tati.

Her lips tug up in a grin. I know she’s new to the idea of this, but at least she’s not running. I know she has big dreams and goals, but she’s learned how to play small within a family who doesn’t see her. Or at least, doesn’t know her deep down and has no interest or curiosity about who Tatiana is as a person. I want her to achieve her dreams - to paint and open a gallery, bachelor’s degree or not. And I want to be by her side as she does it. I don’t even mind sharing her or our future together with Lev and Roman.

They’ve both been around in one capacity or another, and they both love and respect her. They both want her to succeed, too. And this cabin shows the lengths they’re willing to go to keep her safe.

If they didn’t, I wouldn’t let them around her.

Her eyes meet mine again. “I just feel like there’s a lot of pressure to do it all right now. Because we never know when someone will call saying that they caught the bad guy.”

I nod. Tati puts a ton of pressure on herself to be perfect. I’m sure that’s translating to our current situation, where she wants to do it all as soon as possible.

But she’s only human. She needs a break.

She sits up a little brighter, and I try to focus on her eyes when the comforter slips. She’s so beautiful it’s almost painful.

“Let’s make a promise,” she says. “... that whenever we go back to life as normal, whatever that looks like, we’re always safe for each other. Like, if I want to experiment, or you guys want to get off, we become each other’s people?”

I look at Lev and then at Roman to gauge their reactions, even as my heart breaks a little. She has no idea how much we all already love her. She still thinks this is just sex. That her happily ever-after doesn’t involve four people.

Lev’s jaw tightens. Roman looks up from his phone.

“That’s not gonna work for me,” Lev grinds out behind clenched teeth.

“What? Why?” Tatiana looks hurt, and I can’t have that, so I slide down onto the mattress next to her, gathering her into my arms and positioning her in my lap, the way I like to. I like being able to touch her without being the center of her attention. Like I’m afraid if she looks too closely she’ll see how desperate for her I am.

At least like this I can’t see her pained expression.

“That’s not going to be enough for me, knyazhna.”

She goes rigid in my arms. I wrap my large palms around her thin biceps and rub them up and down, willing her to relax.

“What do you mean?” she whispers.

“I mean...” he starts, but has to clear his throat, gathering his own courage. “I want more, Tati. After this. I want more.”

“More... what?” she asks timidly.

He pushes to his feet and starts to pace. The sun streaming through the windows back-lights him a little, but the tension rolling off of his shoulders is obvious. I appreciate Lev for who he is. He’s unapologetically himself, but that version of him is usually antagonistic, abrasive, loud, and condescending. But also honest, and loyal, and surprisingly thoughtful once you got past the rough exterior.

“More of you!” I shout finally, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

I swallow. It looks like this might be it - the make-or-break moment. The moment where Tati has to decide if she could love three people or not.

I continue rubbing her arms in what I hope is a reassuring way. She’s silent for so long that my skin starts to feel too tight. I want to shake her and demand she say something - anything. I want to run away because if she says she’s not in it with us, it’ll break my heart.