Page 54 of Cross Check

Did you survive your gala?

The pictures on social media looked really nice. And you figured out your tie!

You looked nice too.

GE

Yeah. It was fine.

AG

Everything okay?

GE

A woman won the bid on me, and things got weird. She cornered me and told me all the things she wanted to do to me, and HR had to get involved.

I know I’m a public figure, but what the hell am I supposed to say when someone lets me know they’re going to make a plaster model of my hand so she can pretend to hold it when I’m not around? Thanks, I guess?

AG

That’s disgusting.

I’m sorry you had to go through that.

GE

Not your fault.

That’s the tip of the iceberg, to be honest. Some of the messages I get on social media are even worse. People proposition me for money. They ask me to do things to them. It’s weird.

AG

I had someone send me an email and ask how much I’d sell my socks for.

The sweatier, the better, apparently.

Revolting.

GE

Pretty sure we should just BAN the internet at this point, because what the fuck?

AG

Please tell me you don’t have to see that woman again.

GE

Nope. I’m free, and I’m pretty sure the team is changing the logistics of the auction going forward.

AG

Nothing says happy holidays like a restraining order!

GE

You get it!