Page 134 of Cross Check

“I can loan you money,” Lainey adds, and I’m reminded how lucky I am to have these two as my best friends.

“It’s nothing like that.” I pause to take a breath. “There’s a guy in my life, and it’s complicated.”

“Why is it complicated?” Sienna asks.

“Because he’s a player in the league, he’s years younger than me, and he’s totally off limits. My career and reputation are at stake here,” I blurt. “I stopped talking to him for a couple months when I realized I was developing feelings for him. I tried to put distance between us and sever that connection, but it didn’t work. We saw each other over the summer and… I learned those feelings haven’t gone away. I like him so much, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Shit,” Lainey whispers. “That is complicated.”

“We need the full scope of what’s going on. Has there been any sort of physical relationship between you two?” Sienna asks.

“No. We’ve been close to having a moment, and I want him to kiss me, but nothing has actually happened. I stayed at his place when I visited him. In a separate bedroom,” I hurry to add when Lainey’s mouth pops open. “I haven’t seen him since June, but the distance hasn’t stopped me from liking him.”

My feelings for Grant were strong when we were under the same roof, but they’re even stronger now. Time has stretched on, a slog from July to December wrapped up in texts, hurried FaceTime calls from our hotel rooms in different cities, and late nights where I wonder how he’s doing and if he misses me as much as I miss him.

On the days when I’m feeling reflective, I’ll stumble into a vision of him sitting by my side. Tossing a smile my way. Quiet peace in the lovelorn mundanity we found ourselves in back in June.

“You’re sure you can’t be with him?” Lainey asks. “What if no one knew you two had a relationship?”

“Secrets can’t stay secrets forever. Someone would find out eventually, and when they did, my ass would be the one to take the brunt of the blame.”

“That’s the unfortunate truth of being a woman in sports.” Sienna sighs. “So you want him, but you can’t have him.”

“Exactly.” I nod. “What should I do?”

“You have two options,” she starts. “You could tell him how you feel and pursue a relationship with him.”

“Impossible.” I don’t even entertain the thought. “What’s next?”

“Dating other people. You should figure out what you’re looking for and what your type might be,” Lainey chimes in. “You haven’t been serious with anyone since we’ve known you, Amelia. And it’s hard to fight feelings when there’s nothing else to distract you.”

“The guys I’ve met on dating apps have been mediocre at best, and I don’t want mediocre,” I say. “But you’re right. I need to get rid of my attraction to him.”

“What do you want?” Sienna asks. “Like Lainey said, you haven’t really been with anyone since we met. Maybe if you tell us what you’re looking for in a guy, we’ll see if we know anyone.”

“He has to be funny, but not in an attention-seeking way. I want to genuinely laugh, not put up with stupid jokes he’s doling out to try to impress people,” I say. “He has to be humble. Even if he’s good at his job, he has to be able to receive feedback without getting upset. Nice, smart, and considerate are all important traits too.”

I cut myself off before I add anything else because the more I talk, the more one very specific man comes to mind: Grant.

“I know someone who works for the team in premium ticket sales,” Lainey says, and I blink away all the times Grant has made me giggle. How he always holds the door open for me and thrives on feedback. “He’s a nice guy with great style. He’s really smart too. I’d trust my drink around him, which is my litmus test with men. Do you want his number?”

“It can’t hurt, right?” I say.

“It definitely can’t,” Sienna agrees.

“Here.” Lainey slides her phone across the table. “His name is Mason.”

“Thanks.” I plug in his number and save his contact. “And thanks for making me feel like there’s a light at the end of this tunnel.”

“He’s just a man.” Lainey smiles. “You’re going to get through this, Amelia.”

We toast Lainey after that, but there’s a pesky voice in the back of my head that won’t stop asking the question I’m afraid to ask myself.

What if I don’t get through this?

I come home to an empty apartment. I turn on the heat and stare at the living room while a pang of loneliness hits me square in the chest.

I’ve never felt like I needed a man to be happy or fulfilled, but tonight, the space is too quiet. The air is too sharp, the missing piece too noticeable, and I reach for my phone. I back out of Mason’s contact information and tap over to my text thread with Grant.