Page 108 of Cross Check
I’m trying to be on my best behavior. I’m not letting myself look at her for too long. I’m not touching her in the ways I dream about, and it means I get to keep her in my life. It means she sticks around, and imagining a world without Amelia Green sitting across from me on a blanket, sauce on her chin and her hair in a tangled bun on top of her head, hurts too fucking bad.
I want her so much, and I’ll never be able to have her.
It’s the worst feeling in the world.
“You are worthy.” My voice is lower. Deeper too. It always is when I’m trying to show her I’m being honest, when I want to convey a point she won’t forget. “I’ll spend every second of every day from now until eternity convincing you. You know you’re a badass, Amelia, but I’m here whenever there’s a sliver of doubt and you need the reminder.”
“Grant,” she whispers, and I don’t like how she says my name. She’s avoiding my gaze. Her shoulders curl in, and her lips part with a long exhale. “I-I appreciate that. So much. But I also want you to know nothing has changed for me. I’m still… you’re still just a friend. And with the next month being the playoffs then the summer, maybe we need to… to pull back a little. Not talk so much.”
“You… you don’t want to talk to me?”
“I do. Just… it’s… confusing. You’re confusing. Confusing me,” she amends.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“No. Of course not. You’ve been nothing but wonderful. I’m the one who…” Amelia trails off. Sinks her teeth into her bottom lip. “Some space as we finish out the season might be good for us. We can put our focus on hockey and not… other things.”
“I’m sorry.” I hang my head. “It’s too much. The texting, the hanging out. The fucking picnics.” My laugh is humorless. I’m too much. Too sensitive, in too deep. What the hell was I thinking? She’d fall in love with me over goddamn pasta in the park? “Noted. We’ll keep our communication to a minimum for the next few weeks and reevaluate in the summer after some time apart.”
“A little bit of distance. Not an ocean. Just… a river. So I can…” Amelia pauses. “You haven’t done anything wrong. Really.”
The switch has flipped so quickly. It means I’ve gone past her comfort zone, and I don’t know how to find my way back to it.
We finish our meal without another word. With a quick hug and a smile that tells me she’s holding so much back, Amelia walks away. She leaves me alone with a half-eaten baguette and a shit ton of regret.
The next night, I score two goals and assist on two more. It’s the best game of my career. We stomp the Goldminers 6-1, but it feels like my heart is the thing that’s getting stomped on.
There’s no encouragement from Amelia, no sly maneuvering to come find me after the game. She walks off the ice with her coaching staff, stopping to shake Coach’s hand before disappearing down the tunnel without a backward glance.
In the locker room, my teammates douse me in champagne to celebrate our top spot in the East, but I’m the furthest thing from happy.
How can I be excited when it feels like I lost the most important person in my life?
THIRTY-FIVE
GRANT
MAY, FOUR SEASONS AGO
Life, as it turns out, goes on even when you’re sad.
April comes to an end, and we advance to the postseason. May starts. We win two series in a row, and there’s not a trace of Amelia anywhere.
No texts, no calls.
Not even a congratulatory message after we advanced to the Eastern Conference finals, and I guess the silence is my new normal.
The distance stings, which tells me this separation from her is for the best. We were getting too close, and I’m respecting her decision for some space, no matter how much it sucks.
“Hi, Grant.” Lexi smiles and hands me a towel when I step into the Pilates studio. It’s our strength training day, and Coach sent us offsite for our workout. “Excited for our girls’ night tonight?”
“I have to get through this workout first. I’m stressed about chest expansions.” I drop the towel on a machine in the corner and scoop up my water bottle. “It’s a torture chamber in here.”
“Look at you knowing your moves! I’m so proud.” She grins and waves to Piper and Liam who enter the studio. “Take a few minutes to focus on your breathing and get centered before we start.”
The rest of the team files into the building and picks out spots. Ethan shows up in a bright pink workout set that Liam scowls at for a good three minutes.
“That is offensive, Richardson,” he says.
