Page 127 of Beautiful When He Breaks

I look down at him, at his flushed face and dark eyes and the careful strength in his hands, and I understand all over again that I am here because I chose him. Not because fear dragged me or grief demanded proof. Because I love him, and I want to know what it feels like to be joined to him in a way I’ll remember.

Then I push forward.

The first press steals all the air from my lungs as soon as I breach him, and his whole body tenses under me. I clench my jaw, shutting my eyes for a second to keep my control.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” I mutter, my voice ragged. “You gotta relax, baby, or I’m gonna lose it before we even get started.”

He lets out a shaky breath, his hands gripping my shoulders. “I’m trying,” he whispers, his voice trembling.

I push forward, slow as fuck, the resistance almost making me lose my fucking mind. Julian’s breath catches, his head tipping back, and his grip tightens on me.

My whole body shakes as I force myself to stop, to give him time to adjust, even though all I want to do is bury myself inside him.

“Eli,” he gasps, his voice breaking, and I freeze.

“Too much?” I ask, my voice strained as fuck. My whole body’s trembling, strung tight like a wire, but I’ll stop the second he needs me to.

“No,” he whispers, shaking his head. “Just—fuck—go slow.”

I nod, dropping my forehead to his shoulder as I ease in deeper, every nerve in my body on fire. His legs shift, wrapping loosely around my waist as he adjusts, and when I finally bottom out, I groan, low and guttural, breathing like I just ran a marathon.

I’m losing my goddamn mind.

There is no other way to describe it. My whole body is overwhelmed by sensation, by closeness, by the knowledge that this is my first time and it is real and chosen and held in Julian’s hands as carefully as anything breakable.

I look down at him and feel my throat close. “I love you, Julian.”

Julian’s face changes completely, those maddening hazel eyes filling up with so much devotion as he looks at me. “I love you too, Eli,” he says, and his voice breaks just enough to undo me.

The first real thrust nearly ends everything immediately.

I stop halfway, eyes squeezing shut, because the feeling is too much, too hot, too tight, too alive. Julian’s hands clamp on my hips, not to push me, but to hold me steady while I shake through it.

“Breathe,” he says again, though his own voice is ragged.

“I’m trying,” I bite out. “Your ass is making that difficult.”

The words leave my mouth before I can stop them, and my eyes open in horror. “I didn’t—”

Julian laughs with full stunned delight, head falling back against the pillow while his body tightens around me in a way that makes my apology turn into a strangled curse.

“Oh my God,” I groan. “Don’t laugh while I’m inside you.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, absolutely not sounding sorry. “I’m sorry, baby, but you can’t say that and expect me to survive it.”

“I’m going to die,” I say, mortified.

“No, you’re not.” His smile is helpless and beautiful. “You’re doing so good.”

That praise hits exactly where he probably knew it would.

He kisses me then, smiling into it, and finally, finally, the tension in both of us shifts into rhythm. Slow at first because slow is all I can handle without falling apart too fast, and because Julian keeps one hand at my hip and one on the back of my neck, guiding not only my body but the pace of my panic.

When I find that angle again, the one that makes his eyes flare and his breath break, a dark thrill moves through me. I do it again, and his control cracks open enough for sexy as fuck whimpers to spill out. The sound runs through me like lightning, and my confidence catches fire.

He reaches between us, wraps a hand around his cock, and my brain nearly stops. “Is that okay?” he asks, because even now he asks, and I love him so much it hurts.

I nod hard. “Yeah. Fuck, yeah. I want to watch.”