Page 39 of Heartstrings & Horseshoes

Tears spring from my eyes and the biggest smile overtakes my face.

“Yes! Oh my goodness! I mean, yes, I accept, I’d be honored!” Connor stands before me, rubbing his rough hands up and down my arms. His touch immediately soothes me.

“Wonderful, just what we like to hear. I’ll iron out the details with your advisor and either she or I will reach out closer to September. It was a pleasure speaking with you and we’re looking forward to having you at Blue Mountain Rescue and Rehabillitation! Bye now.”

The call disconnects and I stand dumbstruck.

“I…I got the internship. I GOT THE INTERNSHIP! OH MY GOD, CONNOR!”

I leap into his arms, wrapping my legs around him like a baby koala. He holds me tight and spins us in circles in the middle of our living room.

Connor’s voice is muffled, his breath hot against my neck. “I knew you could do it. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

We stay locked in our embrace for longer than appropriate for our precarious relationship. I shimmy to get down and he lets me drop gently to my feet. The weight of what we’ve left unsaid hangs heavily between us. But neither of us are brave enough to tell the truth.

“I’d better go unpack…” I hedge.

“Yea. Of course. I was heading out when you got home, so, I’ll see you later?” he asks.

I’m unreasonably wounded he’s leaving already, but it’s for the best we ease back into living together.

“Bye, doll.” He waits for my customary response but leaves when I say nothing.

The door snicks shut, and my lungs allow me to whisper, “Miss you already.”

21

I’m so fucking tired. When I got my job with the department of transportation, I assumed the busiest months would be during winter.

As it turns out, at least in my position, summer is my busiest season. Which fucking sucks because asphalt is hot as balls after baking in triple-digit heat.

My busy season couldn’t come at a worse time. My relationship with Delilah is upside-down, underwater, in a car with the window cracked.

I’m slowly drowning in agony having her so close, but we’ve never been further apart. Everything’s gotten so fucked up.

I thought living with Delilah would be a dream. Instead it's been a nightmare, unraveling me day by day and I’m about to snap.

I can’t touch her the way I want. I can’t look at her the way I want. I can’t tell her the words bursting from my heart. I LOVE YOU! I’ve loved you as long as I can remember, and I’ve been IN love with you for nearly that long.

Regardless of how messy things are between us, nothing will stop me from working toward her dream. Someday, the long shifts and overtime will pay off. It has to.

The soft click of the front door is barely enough to rouse me from my sleep-deprived wallowing. Tentative footsteps approach our bedroom and stop outside the doorway.

This is what I mean. She’s right here but she might as well be a million miles away.

Hell, I’ve fucked things up so badly she’s afraid to come into her own bedroom for fear of facing me. I hate myself.

“I can see your shadow, doll. You can come in, I promise I won’t bite.”

The light from the living room casts an ethereal glow around her, and I forget to breathe. I unconsciously drag my knuckles along my sternum to ease the chronic deep ache.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she says.

“Come here.” I pat her side of the bed, and she eases onto the comforter beside me. “What don’t you know how to do?”

She hesitates, fear marring her features. “This. Us. From the day I met you, our relationship has been effortless. This scares me.”

“What are you afraid of, doll?”