Page 37 of In Service to the Duke

I prepare for the day in silence, my mind doing its best to be coherent as I sit and await my warmed chocolate. The housekeeper taps on the door, ensuring I’m properly dressed before walking in with the butler. Every day, it’s the same.

Keeping the heavy sigh behind my lips, I take the suppressant in front of him before opening my mouth and showing him the evidence that it’s indeed gone. If I count my days correctly, the suppressants I brought with me should have been gone. This means my mother must have sent on another bottle. Odd, seeing as her goal in life is to have me entrap the duke.

Or they might have purchased them from a nearby town. Either way, the pills come daily without stopping or any reprieve. The butler nods and walks out, leaving me alone with the housekeeper and maid.

His gait denotes irritation, but I could just be reading into it. None of this makes any sense. What would he have to be upset over? Unless he did indeed have to buy another bottle and is displeased with my lack of foresight.

Honestly, that makes far better sense than anything else. It certainly is far more plausible than my mother lifting a finger to help keep me from going into heat. The only reason I had those pills in the first place was so I could gain employment. Once they were gone, I’m sure my mother saw no need to continue supplying them.

Not only is it an expense they probably can’t afford, but it would also undermine everything she’s planning. I supposed then I shouldn’t find it at all shocking if my wages decrease to accommodate this extra expense.

It still doesn’t explain what has him so upset. Unless I’m just reading him wrong. Because, honestly, it’s not as if I’d be so stupid to not take my suppressants and gain his ire. I may not know much about going into heat, but I do know I cannot hide it if I do.

It’s an unseemly thing, one that can trap the duke far easier than anything else. And so, like the good little omega I am, I take them without fail at the same time every day. I wish the butler didn’t have to inspect me so, but I suppose it makes sense why they want to be sure.

Unfortunately, understanding the reasons why does nothing to ease the ache in my chest. I can’t help the resentment as it builds, making my insides clench. It’s just one more thing to keep me separated from the others.

From the first day I arrived, I was treated as an enemy of sorts. My moves were watched and studied. They thought I didn’t notice, but I did. Granted, the dowager duchess always treated me kindly, and the servants were never outwardly hostile.

But then, part of me hoped I’d find another family, one far more desirable than my own. Hopeless fantasies of someone far more romantic than they should be. What did I think was going to happen?

Did I really think the duke was going to take one look at me and propose? That the dowager duchess would fall in love with the idea of me as a daughter-in-law and take me into her home as an equal? The problem is, I did.

I hoped. I prayed. I yearned. Anything other than the home I will eventually go back to. That is, unless I can make some sort of match. But none of that is worth starting off a relationship built on lies and mistrust.

The small misleadings which garnered me this position were bad enough. If the duke ever found out… And yet, as that thought drifts through my brain, a far more delicious one takes its place.

Him towering over me, that stern slash of his lips as he frowns down on me. Would he spank me if he knew I was only eighteen and just barely qualified to instruct his sisters? Or would he do something worse? My mind drifts to the demon in my dreams, and I nearly sit on my hands to keep from touching my back entrance to see if it still aches.

I must be far more daft than I thought. Perhaps these machinations of the staff are all in my head. Just like the feverish dreams plaguing me when I sleep. At this point, I feel as if I cannot trust anything.

Resisting the urge to pull at my hair, I sip my chocolate, doing my absolute best to appear sane. Anything less will have their tongues waggling. The last thing I want is to be sent home.

Even though the duke and I are locked into this odd impasse, I still prefer his heavy hand and harsh words to the waspish sentiments of my mother. Again, my mind drifts toward the woman who birthed me, sending shards of agony through my heart.

Unshed tears burn in my eyes as I glance over at the box containing her missives. How can I convince her I do not wish to trap the duke? Just because we have fallen on hard times doesn’t mean I need to drag this man into my troubles. As much as I long to confide in him, to beg for higher wages, I dare not plant any ideas into his head.

He already looks at me as the others—laden with suspicion. There is no way to reveal my mother’s plot without me also looking culpable. Besides, I quite like this respite from her, even if I’m not gathered in their arms as the daughter I long to be.

As long as I keep to myself and not antagonize the family, I should be able to remain for at least the next year or two. When Lady Margaret has her coming out, I’m sure she’ll soon find a husband, leaving just Lady Elizabeth and me in this massive estate.

Will the duke still be here, though? Would he still examine me, calling my teaching into question with that arousing growl of his? No doubt he’ll have a bride of his own, allowing me to remain in service without the massive guilt and anxiety hanging over my head.

“Miss Gillet?” The housekeeper calls my name, her voice a touch exasperated and shrill.

“Forgive me,” I nearly stammer, pulling myself back to the present. “I fear my mind was elsewhere.”

“Evidently.” Glancing up, I note the smile she smothers and breathe a sigh of relief.

So she’s not actually angry with me. That’s certainly reassuring. Though, if I had angered her, would she have brought me before the duke for punishment? Heat licks up my neck and infuses my cheeks as my body clenches. Warmth gathers at the apex of my thighs, no doubt alerting all around me of this rather embarrassing predicament.

Knowing her, the housekeeper would drag me before the butler, seeing as the duke would not like our intimate punishments to be common knowledge. No use taking up the time of someone so important as the duke. She shakes her head as I drift off in thought once more.

“A letter arrived for you. We shall leave you to your correspondence.”

Once the room is empty, I study the front. Based on the haphazard scrawl, I know instantly it’s from my mother. My gut clenches as I open it up, not wishing to see what new missive she has for me.

The words blur as tears gather in my eyes. Of course, she sees me as a failure. The fact that no nuptials have been made means I’m not doing enough to ensure their future. But then, it’s not as if the duke has been here all this time.