Page 13 of Dark Goodbye

This time, I no longer fear the dark that surrounds me like a funeral shroud. Instead, I sink into it, allowing it to wash over me, lapping at the frayed edges of my mind.

* * *

Shards of light sear my eyes, forcing me to shut them for a moment. “Phosphenes,” I whisper to myself as once again, those phantom lights spark behind my eyelids. Honestly, saying it aloud is more for me than anyone else, anything to dispel the silence surrounding me. Something to latch onto.

Moaning, I lie back, my ears seeking out sounds, something, anything to tell me where I am. No longer am I plagued by that monotonous plinking sound that filled my days. Now, there’s nothing. A deafening silence that’s all the more terrifying.

Based on the softness underneath me, I’m no longer in my cell. That much is certain. But where did he take me? Disjointed images flash inside my brain, each as unreliable as the next.

It’s a mismatch, an unholy merging that combines the Alpha I knew as a teenager and the man that stood over me, his blue eyes flashing in fury and concern. Interspersed with that is the unsettling memory of green eyes filled with hatred. Maniacal laughter flooding my ears.

Pain.

So much pain.

My lips tremble as tears prick my eyes. Somehow, I still have some left, and my mouth twists into a wry smile as they spill down my cheeks. Eyes still closed, I drag a ragged breath into my nose and hold it inside, willing my body to calm down and think rationally.

But I can’t. Every inhale is laced with a scent I long buried. Davix, the only Alpha that ever held any sway over me. The one that held me when I was injured, that wiped away my tears. I was head over heels in love with him… until I realized the true nature of my dynamic.

Brown eyes faded into gray, forcing me to don contacts to remain hidden until I could figure out what to do. But he knew what I was. The older we became, the harder it was for me to hide who and what I was. I could no longer tell if my desire for him was because of our connection, or because of the genes that twisted my body, forcing me to want the one thing that wasn’t good for me to have.

I’m not stupid. I’ve seen the matches made by the High Echelon Alphas. The omegas were mindless, spineless, everything that was the complete opposite of me. And all because their body dictated it that way. If only I was still a beta. If only we could have explored our feelings without the interference of pheromones.

But it wasn’t meant to be.

And now, I’m trapped in this room that brings back all the wrong memories, flooding my brain with feelings and sensations I should not feel for him. In these weak, lonely moments, all I want to do is curl up in his strength and allow him to take the burden for a bit.

Despite the pain radiating out from my shoulder, my clit pulses as arousal gathers at my folds. If I’m becoming this aroused from just his scent, how much worse will it be when I see him face to face? This is exactly why I ran all those years ago.

Granted, I was still very innocent and couldn’t understand the feelings coming from my own body. Now that I’ve had that veil lifted from my eyes at the commune, I can better understand what’s happening.

It doesn’t make it any easier, but at least I’m no longer caught off guard. My brain whirrs backward to Karis and how innocent and stunned she was by everything. That right there was proof enough that I did the right thing.

Shifting a bit, I bite down on my lower lip, stifling a scream that wells up from the very depths of my being. Pain, unlike anything I ever imagined, sizzles through my shoulder and down my arm like bolts of electricity as it ravages the desert sky.

It steals my breath, causing my stomach to pitch. Why is this happening? Why am I in so much pain and Davix is doing nothing to ease it? As loath as I am to beg, I so desperately crave an Alpha’s purr. His Alpha’s purr. Deep down, I know it will fix everything.

“Well now, you’re not supposed to be up yet. Master Davix assured me the drugs wouldn’t wear off until after he returned.”

Eyes popping open, I stare at an older woman as she shuffles her way toward me, her speed belying the wrinkles etched into her face. “Who are you?”

Stupid question, but still, my brain wants to latch onto something, anything. I need to make this moment real, otherwise, I’m terrified it will get lost in the black hole that has become my mind.

“I’m Mogen, maid to Master Davix, and that’s all you need to know. Now then, let’s see what’s going on with your shoulder.”

I yank backward and immediately regret my actions. My vision swims as mind-numbing pain shoots through the joint in question. Even as more tears fall from my eyes, I still hear the motherly tsks and shushes as she hobbles over to me.

“There will be none of that now. Master Davix put you in my care while he was gone. So you’re going to be a good girl and mind me. He’s given me explicit instructions and I plan to carry them out.”

My body trembles as she reaches out her weathered hand to smooth over the inflamed joint. Tensing, I wait for the explosion of pain, but it never comes. Instead, the ointment she’s gliding over my skin sends a rush of warmth and relief to the spot, allowing me to breathe.

I inhale deeply, scenting the air. She’s not an Alpha, that’s for sure. Just that knowledge makes everything inside of me relax. It means she’s either a beta or an omega, but at her age, I don’t see her as competition. Still though… that niggle of jealousy that burrows into my heart is unwelcome and unneeded.

At the commune, there was no jealousy. Everyone shared with each other. Sure, some decided to settle down, but they never rejected others that wanted to join in. That’s the life I was preparing myself for, the life I was teaching myself to accept.

But now that I’m back in a rigid society that looks down on such things, where does that leave me? Deep inside, I wanted to belong to someone and not have to share them, but to do that, I’d be stuck with an Alpha that would barrel over me. Betas were far safer.

“This is going to feel uncomfortable but shouldn’t cause you any undue discomfort. The numbing cream is blocking most of the pain receptors.” Reaching behind me, she pulls the sling over my head, reminding me of just how sore I still am.