Page 55 of Library or Lattes?

“Sure, thanks,” I replied, confused because of the weird coincidence. I’d been writing down different fall recipes to try. I mean, I hadn’t gotten around to any of them since James had shown up and we’d focused on the festival, but gingerbread cocoa? That was definitely one of them, and I’d written it down in that notebook I kept under the counter. The one I’d lent to James that day.

I leaned on the counter. Head in my hands, squeezing my hair.

“No green scarf tonight?” he said, and I had to tell my face that I didn’t feel the tingle that danced its way up my spine. He was doing it again. That thing he did when I was mad, and confused, and completely, one hundred percent sure he was not right for me. He’d said something that made me realize that he noticed. That he cared about the little things. It was the same feeling I’d gotten when he admitted he remembered our kiss at the tree all those years ago. Now my anger was dissolving …

“I forgot it. I was in a rush.”

“A rush? Why?”

“Oh, no reason, just really wanted a walk.” I tried to give aloof vibes, but it was hard when he was being nice James, and also hard to look anything but pathetic when my face was all puffy from crying.

“Do you want to sit for a bit?” He poured cocoa into my favorite mug.

“How’d you know I liked that mug?” I took it from him and held it up.

“It’s the only one you ever use. Figured it was some kind of superstitious thing.” He picked up his own coffee.

“You think I’m superstitious?” I followed him to the one table that still had chairs on the floor.

“I could definitely believe it if you were.”

“What would be wrong with being superstitious if I was?”

“Oh, nothing. That’s not what I meant. I actually think it’s kind of cute …”

I took a sip of cocoa and let those words hang in the air, trying to figure out what came next.

But I didn’t have to.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out.

I curled my hands around my cup. “Sorry for what?”

“For earlier. Maybe you didn’t notice, or didn’t feel it, but I thought there was … something real between us. And I got scared.” He shook his head and pushed his hand through his perfect hair.

I looked down into the steaming cocoa. “I felt it,” I admitted. “Feel it.” Timidly.

“Well, like I said, I’m sorry. It’s just … I don’t know. This is not exactly what I thought my life would look like. Coming back and being thrown straight in here, I’ve had no real time to think. And then you were there, and I got all these … feelings.” This time he looked away. “Feelings like … I don’t know, like ones that tell me I want to get to know you better. No, ones that tell me I need to know every little thing about you. Feelings like I hate it here during the week because you’re at school, and Saturday morning has become the best thing in my life … I don’t know, I can’t really explain it …”

My throat went tight. He was saying everything I wanted to hear. That he felt it too. That he felt the same way about Saturday mornings. That all the other days just felt like something to get through until we could be together again.

And I was leaving.

I needed to tell him. Right now. Tell him about the letter, about the money, about the plan to get out of Oak Falls.

But how could I tell him I was leaving when he’d just opened up to me? How could I tell him that was it after he’d told me I was the best thing in his week?

I sat there in silence, crushed under the weight of everything I wasn’t saying.

I tried to breathe myself calm, though my whole body flared with the heat and the longing he’d just ignited. He’d said everything I hadn’t even realized I was feeling too.

“I think you did a pretty good job of explaining …” I said eventually, watching him relax as I stared into his soft brown eyes.

“Not everything … I didn’t explain everything. Penn State …” He looked away for a second like he was deciding whether to say the words.

“What do you mean Penn State?” I asked. “Carter?” I shook my head.

“I got jealous, okay? The way he looks at you, how easy it is for him to just walk around all cool and friendly. Like come on, man, screw something up here. And I don’t know, I haven’t had good experiences with anyone from Penn State …”