Page 100 of Experiments in Offline Dating

“What’s that?”

“Skellig Michael? It’s an old monastery on a tiny rocky island in the sea off this coast. The monks lived in little houses like this year-round, when they weren’t busy hiding from Vikings. They filmed some of the recent Star Wars films there.”

“Really? Which ones?”

“You know where Luke is living on that island alone with all the weird little creatures? Well, those huts are real, and the creatures were puffins that they had to Photoshop.”

“No way! That’s so neat. I need to watch it again.”

“You can take a boat out to see it, if you’d like. It’s a really steep, dangerous climb, though, and unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to go with you because I get such terrible seasickness that I’d be no use to anyone but the fishes.”

“A lovely image, thank you, Tadhg.”

“Anytime.”

“Can we go in?”

“Sure.”

The doorway was probably about four feet tall. I ducked to get in, and my head was touching the stones at the top.

“It’s cool to think that someone a thousand years ago built this with their hands and lived in here,” I said as I walked in and my eyes adjusted. “Cold as a witch’s tit, no doubt.”

Then I was plunged into darkness. Had a portal opened up beneath me, and I was being swallowed down into a fae underworld? No. Sadly, no. It was only that there was a huge hunk of man trying to get through the door.

It took Tadhg an eternity to squeeze through without knocking the whole thing to a pile of rubble with us inside. He basically had to crabwalk in slow motion while I giggled at his expense. Once he cleared the doorway, I offered my hand and helped to pull him up. But he couldn’t stand, of course. He was at least a foot too tall. He had to plant himself in the middle and hunch himself over me.

This was awkward. For everyone involved.

“Tight fit,” he said.

I looked up, pressed against him. It was hard to breathe. “I might be wrong, but I don’t think these were made for people like you.”

“You might be right.”

“You’ll be more at home in Giant’s Causeway, where people threw boulders and rode giant oxen, etcetera. Those are your ancestors.”

“Oh, so now you suddenly know all about Irish traditions.”

“Only when I can weaponize them.”

“Of course.”

“Okay. I’m going to get myself out of here before you blow this down like the Big Bad Wolf and I die from a head injury.”

“Smart choice.”

We saw two other beehive huts, and then we found an old ring fort just a few yards away that was even older and now consisted mostly of curling low stone walls that we wandered through like a maze.

Just as we were walking past the house back to the Jeep, the farmer came out again, this time with a sandwich.

“What’s his deal? Dessert first? I like his style,” I whispered to Tadhg.

“I’ll catch the lambs for ye,” the farmer said, removing his napkin bib.

We followed, but I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that. I said, “It would just be nice to look at them. I don’t think you need to catch any.” Maybe I was a silly city girl, but it seemed like if they wanted to be caught, you wouldn’t have to chase them. I certainly knew what happened if you caught a cat that didn’t want to be handled. You lost an eye, and it was your own damn fault!

He led us into a small, fenced area with a little herd of sheep, both mamas and babies. They baaed at us. I squeed internally.