Page 10 of Everything Changes

Carey raised his bottle of water in salute, then made a show of fishing his iPod out of his bag and putting in his ear buds, relaxing back in his chair with his eyes closed as if he didn’t have a care in the world. After a few minutes, he opened his eyes again and saw with relief Jase had focused fully on the game again, his worries seemingly put to rest.

As Carey drifted in a haze of sunshine and the music from his favorite playlist, he found his eyes continuously wandered to Jase, easily the fittest, best-looking man in the group. His board shorts hung low on his slim hips, and his ridged abdomen, muscular shoulders, and arms were on full display. Carey watched appreciatively as Jase went for a smooth block, jumping straight up with powerful legs and stuffing the ball in the other guy’s face with a shout. That meant a point for Jase’s team, and there was a round of high-fives and good-natured ribbing back and forth.

Eventually the game broke up and Jase jogged easily over to where Carey sat, flopping down on a towel next to him. Jase was glistening with sweat, his chest rising and falling as he panted with the recent exertion. Carey extracted a bottle of water from their cooler without being asked, handing it to him. Jase grinned his thanks, then guzzled the water while he made appreciative noises in the back of his throat. Carey stared at Jase’s full lips where they wrapped around the end of the bottle, the muscular throat moving as he swallowed, and another unwelcome frisson of heat pooled in his abdomen at the sight.

“Hey, wanna go boogie boarding?” Jase asked, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. “One of the guys brought a ton of boards and said we could use a couple.”

Carey jumped at the chance for a distraction, tucking his iPod away with an enthusiastic “Sure.” Carey loved being in the water. The weightlessness of it counterbalanced his one-legged status, and who cared if he fell over? It didn’t hurt in the water, and he had two arms that worked just fine.

He watched as Jase got up and jogged over to a stack of boogie boards, snagging two of them and tucking them under his arm, walking back over to Carey and extending his free arm.

“Up you go, bud.”

Carey grasped Jase’s offered forearm and pulled himself upright, balancing on his support leg. Jase slid his arm around Carey’s waist, waiting for Carey to put his arm around Jase’s shoulders in return. Fuck, Carey hadn’t thought this through very well. As a distraction from weird thoughts about Jase, this wasn’t working. Their bodies were plastered together from shoulder to hip along the side, and the clean, fresh smell of Jase’s sweat filled Carey’s nostrils. Unbelievably he felt his cock twitch, and he jerked away in reflex, almost falling over before Jase’s arm tightened and pulled him back.

“Whoops,” Jase laughed. “Almost lost ya. Let’s go.”

Jase walked carefully toward the surf, acting as Carey’s crutches as he hopped next to him, steering him around any deep wells in the sand, getting them to the surf with no real mishap. Once they were chest deep, Jase handed Carey a boogie board and dropped his arm from around Carey’s waist.

Carey was extremely grateful for the cold water, and he leaned on the boogie board and stroked away from Jase without a word. He was confused and upset, wondering where and how he’d become so aware of Jase in a physical way. I must really need to get laid, he thought again, grasping onto that explanation with a sort of desperation. There was no shortage of women at Jase’s concerts, and he knew Jase would set him up with somebody if he wanted. But no, casual sex wasn’t Carey’s style, and he just couldn’t picture himself hooking up with someone like that.

Jase floated up to him, and the two of them stroked out together deeper into the surf, floating face down on their boards, waiting for the perfect wave. Bobbing here in the water, feeling free and independent, Carey could almost imagine himself whole again, and he couldn’t help grinning.

He heard Jase catch his breath next to him, and Carey glanced at him, surprised to see a very strange look on his face. Jase looked almost… hungry, and his eyes burned briefly with a strange emotion. Both looks were gone almost immediately, and it was just Jase again, smiling back at Carey, his eyes squinted against the sun.

He whooped as he caught sight of a wave barreling toward them, and they paddled their arms frantically, trying to get ahead of it and catch it just right. Carey did, soaring on top of the wave, hooting in exhilaration as he surfed toward the shore, the saltwater splashing in his face, the rush of adrenaline welcome as he rode the wave all the way to the sand.

He lay there like a beached whale, grinning like a fool as Jase emerged from the surf, the water running in rivulets down his lean body, catching in the ridges of muscle and glimmering like diamonds in the hair on his abdomen. Carey stared once again, and this time he couldn’t deny the heat coursing through him was anything but pure desire.

Jase leaned down, extending his arm again to help Carey up, intending to get him back out into the surf. Carey stood stiffly as Jase circled his arm around his waist again.

“I think I just want to go back to the chair. You can surf if you want.” He could hear how curt he sounded, and he flinched internally. Jase looked at him in surprise.

“But you only surfed once, and you caught that wave like a boss. Let me just….”

“I said no, Jase! Just get me back to the chair. Please.”

Carey couldn’t look at his friend, and after a moment, Jase said tersely, “Sure thing.”

His face was stiff with hurt, but Carey wasn’t able to say anything. How could he explain something he didn’t really understand himself? In silence they made their way back to Carey’s beach chair, and Jase lowered him gently. Carey snatched his arm away from Jase’s shoulders as soon as he could, turning away to ostensibly dig in the cooler for a drink, but more so that he wouldn’t have to meet Jase’s confused eyes.

“I’m gonna catch a few more. You’ll be okay here for a while?” Jase asked.

“Yeah,” Carey muttered. “Take your time.” Without another word, Jase turned and jogged toward the surf, and Carey closed his eyes, shame washing through him. Hurting Jase was always, always the last thing he wanted to do.

A FEW hours later, Carey lay sprawled on his bed in Jase’s tiny guest room, his thoughts churning, his mind a muddled mass of confusion. When they got home from the beach, it was early afternoon, and Jase left Carey to head to Quinn’s house for rehearsal, saying he would stay with the guys until it was time to go to the club for setup and sound check for the concert that night. Carey said he wanted to take a short nap, and he’d meet Jase at the club later. Jase had given him a concerned look but hadn’t said anything, gripping Carey’s shoulder in good-bye as he snatched up his keys and wallet and headed out the door.

Now Carey stretched out on the bed in the dark, quiet guest room trying to make sense of what had happened that afternoon. He’d been blindsided by his desire for Jase. Of course he’d always appreciated Jase was a beautiful man, the same way he appreciated how the mountains in Colorado were beautiful or the beach in San Diego was gorgeous. Jase was very easy on the eyes, and he had something that made everyone simply want to be around him. Carey was no different; he loved being around Jase. He wanted to bask in that larger-than-life personality that drew men and women like moths to flame. But he’d never, ever considered the attraction Jase held for him to be of a sexual nature.

You’re a lying liar who lies, his conscience whispered, and Carey couldn’t suppress it anymore, memories swamping him suddenly, memories he’d tried so hard to bury deep until he could almost convince himself it hadn’t fucking happened.

But it had.

CHAPTER 4

Four years ago

THE LAST thing Carey clearly remembered about the day his life changed forever was a nap in the shade of a Humvee tire, his head pillowed on a hard thigh. There was something about cold water splashing in his face, then laughter, Jase shouting, “Fuck you, Gomez!”