Page 21 of Everything Changes

Carey kept up the soothing tone, running his hand lightly up and down Jase’s back as the other man calmed. After a few minutes, Jase’s breathing had returned almost to normal, but he was pale, his hands not quite steady. With a sigh, he slumped sideways and let his head rest on Carey’s shoulder. Carey wrapped his arm around Jase, pulling him close. From his work with other veterans, he knew some craved physical contact after an anxiety episode, and he tightened his arm, letting the touch soothe Jase, feeling him relax further against him as he buried his face in Carey’s neck.

They sat there like that for countless minutes, Jase’s breath coming in puffs, warm and moist against Carey’s jaw. Carey let his cheek rest against Jase’s hair, sitting still, just holding him. He stretched his legs out in front of him, settling in, wincing as his prosthesis shifted slightly with the movement.

“Jesus, Carey, I’m sorry,” Jase muttered as he tried to sit up, but Carey refused to let him.

“I’m fine, man, really. I’m more worried about you.”

Jase held himself stiff for a few seconds before slumping back down on Carey’s shoulder.

“Shit.”

“Take as long as you need, Jase.”

Soon Jase’s breathing steadied, and Carey felt him sigh deeply. For some reason neither of them wanted to move, and they huddled together on the floor in Jase’s darkened foyer. Jase’s body was solid and firm against him, a comforting weight.

“Carey?” Jase whispered finally, and Carey could feel his lips move against his neck as he spoke. Carey suppressed a shudder, a frisson of heat moving through him at the contact.

“Yeah?”

“Can I see—” Jase’s voice trailed off, but his fingers hesitantly traced along Carey’s prosthetic.

“Will you take this off? Please?”

Carey pulled away slightly so he could look into Jase’s eyes, searching his expression. Jase’s eyes were reddened, glistening with an undefinable emotion, something that almost looked like… guilt. After what Jase had just been through, Carey wasn’t about to deny him something he seemed to need.

Reluctantly he pulled his arm from around Jase, quickly rolling down the liners and easing his stump out of the socket of the prosthetic, setting the artificial leg carefully aside. He looked at Jase again. Jase brushed his fingers against the protective sock that cushioned the stump from the inside of the prosthesis.

“This too,” he rasped. “Show me.”

Carey closed his eyes briefly, then slowly pulled off the sock, revealing his stump, hissing at the shock of cool air against the overly sensitive skin.

Jase’s fingers trembled as he reached out and slowly, gently, ran the tips over the network of scars that crisscrossed the skin of where Carey’s leg used to be. He bent his head low as if to see better, his fingers tracing the scars over and over.

“Oh, Carey.” Jase’s voice was hoarse, barely there. “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Now Carey could feel the drops of unmistakable tears hitting his skin, along with gusting breaths as Jase started to unravel once again.

“Hey,” he said firmly. “Jase, look at me.” Carey caught his breath as Jase raised his eyes, the vivid green awash in guilt and tears, making them shine like emeralds. Carey reached out, brushing the wetness away from Jase’s cheeks.

“It wasn’t your fault, Jase. My God, it wasn’t your fault.”

Jase shook his head, closing his eyes, lips pressed tightly together as he tried to rein in his emotions. “I couldn’t save your leg, Carey. I tried—I tried so hard to save your leg. So strong, so beautiful—” His voice broke, and so did Carey’s heart.

“Jase. You saved my fucking life,” he said forcefully, tightening his fingers on Jase’s cheeks. “I’m alive because of you.” A sudden realization struck him, and his voice grew hoarse, fainter. “And I never thanked you for that, did I? I never fucking thanked you for saving my life.”

Without thought, Carey leaned forward and brushed his lips over Jase’s.

“Thank you, Jase. “Another soft, lingering kiss. “Thank you for saving me. For not giving up on me, for fighting for my life.”

As he finished speaking, Carey placed a kiss on each side of Jase’s quivering mouth, their breath mingling as he pressed their foreheads together. He was still cupping Jase’s cheeks in his hands, stroking the stubbly skin gently, but he couldn’t let go…. He didn’t want to let go.

“I’m sorry that I never thanked you before. I’m sorry I never told you how fucking grateful I am for you, Jase. When I saw you leaning over me out there, I knew I would be okay. Because you were there and you wouldn’t let me die.” Carey’s voice was a low whisper, shaky with emotion.

Jase moved one hand up to grip the back of Carey’s neck, gently caressing Carey’s scarred stump with the other hand. The touch made Carey’s skin tingle, and he could feel his breathing grow rougher, his lips parting as Jase closed the small distance between them, settling his open mouth lightly over Carey’s. For a moment neither of them moved, and then Jase firmed his lips, pressing harder, moved them against Carey’s, encouraged them to part. Carey gasped, and Jase slid his tongue inside Carey’s mouth, seeking.

Their lips clung together before breaking apart with a lush sound. Carey moved a shaking thumb to trace over Jase’s swollen lower lip, feeling the moistness there, feeling the small puffs of air as Jase rasped, “Carey. Jesus, Carey.”

Jase lowered his head to Carey’s shoulder, and Carey cupped the back of Jase’s head with one hand, his other hand rubbing soothingly up and down his back.

“It’s okay, Jase. It’s going to be okay. Deep breaths now.”