Page 12 of Check You Out

“I’ll think about it,” I say to her and mean it. “It’s not a bad idea. I’m just not sure if I feel comfortable doing it. Could you or Xander do it?”

“Oh, hell no! We may or may not have accidentally put a bag of burning dog shit on his porch and ding-dong-ditched him.” Nicole swallows audibly. “He’ll have us arrested on the spot and thrown into the dungeons.”

“Douglass County does not have dungeons.”

“That you know of.” She sucks on her teeth. “Also, there was that one time I switched his milk from nonfat to two percent when he came to campaign last September. I wouldn’t have done it if he had ordered nondairy milk, but I figured switching the amount of fat wouldn’t hurt him.”

I palm my forehead, wincing. “You really showed him.”

“I know, right!” There’s some shouting behind her, and I assume Georgie is begging her to come back in. “Hey, I gotta go. Just think about it. Talk to Aidan about it tomorrow on your coffee date. It might make a difference.”

“What if it doesn’t?” I ask, twirling a piece of my hair in my fingers. “I’ll have to sit in the same room as the asshole who humiliated me on fucking Prom Night!”

“But imagine his face when he sees you holding on Aidan’s hand, looking all gorgeous and shit. Then he’ll realize that he lost you to a hottie. Oh shit, Georgie’s yelling at me. I think he’s close to getting Queen Bee. Bye!” She hangs up, and I let my hand flop against the bed.

I run my fingers over Thelma’s soft fur. “I should’ve asked her to send me some food.” I go to order delivery from Asian Court, but before I can click Place Order, I fall asleep with the phone still in my hand.

6

Aidan

“So, how did it go?” Xander remarks after I collapse on our couch. My eight-pound Pomeranian-Chihuahua mix, Lloyd, jumps into my lap and licks my face. “Are you Charlotte’s boyfriend now?”

Letting out a groan, I reply, “No. She hates me.” I pull my dog away. “Eww, Lloyd!” Sitting up, I peer down at him in my lap as he spins a few times before plopping down his small furry frame. He gazes back up at me with adoring brown eyes. Sniffing, I ask, “What did you eat, man?”

“Deer shit,” Xander says.

I look him up and down. “Why did you let him eat deer shit?” Cursing, I say, “He’s going to barf it up tonight.” My gaze travels to Xander and I blink. He’s wearing only his boxers. Letting out a sigh, I shake my head and try to ignore my almost naked roommate. He’s always hot, and his solution to that is to wear less clothes.

“I heated up the leftover penne ala vodka. There’s more if you want some.” He jerks his head toward the kitchen at the back of the house and shovels pasta into his mouth while watching a bald Youtuber play Slay the Spire on our TV. Gromit the Lab sits on the couch next to him. Slobber drips out of his mouth.

I shake my head. “I don’t think I could eat after my horrible performance. Charlotte hates me.”

“Did she say that?” He sets the bowl on the coffee table.

I press my lips together. “She didn’t have to.” I lean back into the cushions. “I tried. I really tried. I went into English teacher mode.”

Xander mouth gapes and he lets out a mock gasp. “You didn’t start talking about literature, to a bookstore owner!?” He nudges me. “It couldn’t have been that bad. Did you start reciting Shakespeare?” Gromit starts licking at the bowl. “Hey man! That’s mine!” Xander pulls the bowl away. The dog looks up at him with Oscar winning eyes.

Chuckling, I reply, “I talked about how we study certain literature because they were popular, and not because they’re good. And in the future, scholars will think Harry Potter was groundbreaking. When in reality they’re—”

He holds up a hand. “I’ve heard this before. So, you showed off your nerdy side. Big deal. Charlotte is a nerd too. She probably liked English teacher mode.”

I take my glasses off my and rub the bridge of my nose. “I bet that right now she’s texting everyone she knows about how much a silly platypus I am.”

His brows furrow. “Hey don’t say that. My friend is a silly platypus and I don’t like you talking about him like that.”

Pushing my glasses up my nose, I reply, “Both.”

Xander and I didn’t expect to become friends when I answered his Craigslist ad looking for a roommate. For the first week, we would retreat into our separate rooms and do our own hobbies. We would acknowledge each other, but it wasn’t until Xander barged into my room when I rage quit Stardew Valley, after losing two prismatic shards in the Skull Cavern, that the ice between us thawed. I thought that he only played first person shooter games like Call of Duty, and he thought that I only read books. With common ground found, our friendship formed.

The video ends and the next one in the queue begins, a video of the same Youtuber, now playing Baaltro.

Xander shakes his head. “Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Charlotte didn’t get the ick from your nerdiness, and she’s probably dreaming about you right now.”

I shrug. “Why would she dream about me? I’m awkward as fuck, and I can’t say two words to her without going into some literary lecture.” I rub my hand over my face. “I’m going to fuck this up.”

Xander drops his bowl onto the coffee table with a clatter, startling both dogs. “No! You are not going to fuck this up.” He shakes his head. Gromit starts licking the bowl, and Xander pulls it up before moving to the side. “Well, I’m glad you liked that. Please don’t barf tonight.” He pushes his glasses farther up his nose.