Page 75 of Only One Tour Bus

I give her a blank look. This is going to be torture; I don’t think it much matters which side of the bed the torture happens on. “I don’t care.”

“Even though I’m making you take the danger side?”

“The danger side?”

“You know.”

“I promise you, I don’t.”

“Because it’s the side closest to the door. And if a person with bad intentions were going to break into this room, they would come upon you first. Therefore, it’s the danger side.”

“How much have you thought about this that you have a phrase for it?”

“I’ve been in a lot of hotel rooms in my time, alone, at night. The mind wanders sometimes. There are strange noises. Whatever.”

“That’s genuinely terrifying.” I thought her world was supposed to be all rainbows.

“Are you going to join the group at the bar tonight?” she asks, changing the subject.

“No.”

“Me neither. It’s been a long day. Do you mind if I take the bathroom first?”

“No problem.”

“Thanks.”

She disappears into the room, giving me a moment to breathe alone. I take my bags to the danger side of the bed. Oh grand, now I’m doing it.

I hear the shower turn on, I assume for the express purpose of torturing me with the fact that she’s naked in there. And I’m horny out here, separated from her by one thin, Swiss chalet wall and my own trousers and pants.

Very thin, all of them. And a flimsy door, to boot.

I put in earbuds to distract myself from the temptation and turn on my audiobook. Unfortunately for me, even though they are noise-cancelling and I can no longer hear what’s happening in the bathroom, they do nothing to stop me thinking about Asha in the shower.

Why is this shower so long? Doesn’t she know the environment is not doing well right now? I take out the earbuds because they aren’t succeeding in distracting me.

After she uses all the water in Europe, the shower turns off. That should have been the end of my distraction, but now I can’t think about anything other than what else she’s doing in the bathroom.

Drying herself? Torture. Moisturizing? Torment. Brushing her hair in only a towel, or, saints preserve me, naked? Anguish. Brushing her teeth? Still agony, improbably. Computational calculus? Distress.

Asha finally walks out of the bathroom in her pajamas, some black cotton trousers and a worn T-shirt from Hearst Castle. Technically, it’s a mansion and not a castle, as it has no fortifications and no history of nobility. No battlements or even a moat. America truly plays fast and loose with the English language. And don’t even get me started on the way they say the word water.

But I don’t have the brain capacity to judge her country’s historic sites, because I can see her hard nipples through her thin shirt.

“I’ll use the bathroom now.” I grab my toiletries and change of clothes and walk past her, moving fast to avoid brushing against her arm with mine.

This inconvenient attraction is getting out of hand. I’m going to be taking a very cold shower tonight. And masturbating in it.

CHAPTER 33

ASHA

This isn’t so bad. I mean, am I going to expire from lust thinking about Callum in bed next to me soon? Most likely, yes.

But that’s fine.

I had planned to be pretending sleep by the time Callum came out of the bathroom, but I severely overestimated the amount of time he would spend getting ready for bed, because I’m still double-checking the tickets and notes for tomorrow when he opens that door.