Page 101 of Only One Tour Bus

“Can I please talk to you?”

“Congratulations on your continued employment.”

“Fuck the bloody job.”

“Easy to say when you still have one.”

“And why are you mad at me? I didn’t fire you.”

“Because I heard you agreeing with Rob about what a terrible idea my tours are. You still think I’m a whimsical mess who can’t focus on boring, important things like spreadsheets, like the yous and the Robs of this world.”

“Don’t lump us together.” I glare at him. “I don’t think you’re a mess. I don’t always understand your methods, but I don’t doubt your results.”

“That’s not what you said to Rob.”

“That? Oh for—I would have agreed with him if he said the sky was green, just to get him to shut up.”

“Thanks. Well, the sky might not have feelings, but I do. And I don’t appreciate you belittling me, or silently agreeing when others belittle me, because I chose to see the best in the world.”

“Oh, right. And how’s that working out for you?” Callum spreads his arms wide, probably to encompass my recent unemployment status.

“I’m aware bad things happen. That still doesn’t change the fact that I am allowed to have a fucking optimistic outlook on things. And that is not a weakness.”

He deflates like a sad balloon after a children’s birthday party. “No, you’re right. It’s not. You see the good and I’m not even convinced it exists. But it shows how different we are. A difference we’ll never get over.”

I shake my head like I’m trying to get water out of my ears, because I can’t have heard him right. That’s an abrupt change. I’m fired and a little mad at him because of what he said, but it’s not something that I couldn’t get past. I would yell a lot, he’d apologize. We’d have make-up sex after he groveled enough.

But he’s just going to run away without a fight? Taking the easy way out to not try, when we’ve been working for the past few weeks?

Sure, weeks aren’t forever, but that’s why we should keep seeing each other. To see if the differences really would matter in the long run. He can’t decide that because of one little fight.

I want to try. I want to be strong enough to fight for something I love for once, despite the risk of failure and disappointment. And he’s giving up because I got a little mad?

Suddenly, my unemployment isn’t the only thing occupying my mind.

“I don’t understand what’s happening. We agreed to talk about us after the meeting. Can we go somewhere and do that? You can come to mine or I can go to yours if you want? Or we could find a coffee shop,” I say.

He shakes his head. “I don’t think it would matter. We’re different and we’re never going to be compatible.”

“But I never said that!” I’m not even mad that he didn’t defend me anymore. I’m confused and more worried that he wants to throw away what we had without trying.

And even though I don’t want to admit it, I get it. I hate seeing the look of disappointment on anyone’s face. I can acknowledge that I’m a people pleaser. And seeing that look on someone’s face who I love would be even worse. But the potential benefit for a successful relationship outweighs the fear, outweighs the potential for sadness.

At least for me. But I guess not for Callum. He gets scared when things don’t work out immediately and runs away. Just like with teaching.

I don’t know how to make him realize that I’m worth it. We’ve traveled together, and every one week of traveling is at least six months of casual dating. I’ve never lied about who I was. And if he doesn’t like me enough to try at this point, he’s probably right to walk away.

“I guess you’re right. I’m naive to see the best of the world. A world that will only disappoint me, just like you did. I guess I can’t live in the sunshine forever; darker skies will always come. I should know that, I’ve lived in Scotland for long enough.”

Callum turns abruptly, but not before I see him flinch. Good. If he’s making me cry, he should feel something, too.

I don’t care. I’m not going to keep looking for rainbows where there are none.

CHAPTER 44

CALLUM

Coward. I’m a bloody coward.