Page 63 of Souls We Rip

I swallowed, trying to find a plausible reason. And the only one that came to mind was that I was scared. For her to see me. All of me. I didn’t want her to think that the man who stood behind the goat skull was vulnerable.

I didn’t want her to read my emotions and feelings on my face. Not when she had more courage than I did. I had no idea how to express the admiration I had for her, still keeping her faith, when there was nothing as such in me.

Because even though she had no heart, she acted as if it were still pumping blood.

“Goat Man?” she whispered, making me bristle.

“I can’t,” I replied, quietly. “You’ll judge me.”

She puffed. “You should know by now, Goat, that my belief does not let me do that. I saw your worst side. I think at least I deserve to see your good one.”

“How do you know it is my good side?” I asked, my shoulders raising.

“It cannot be more frightening than the skull, right?” I heard the smile in her voice, and I turned, my pulse quickening.

Her eyes stayed on my feet, and when she noticed that my position had changed, her gaze started to ascend. She stopped at my hands, a blush creeping on her neck. Ana swallowed.

“Are you scared to look me in the eyes now?” A smirk appeared on my lips, but it disappeared once her icy gaze bored into mine.

“You are not the monster I feared,” she breathed, and if I had a heart, I would have felt it against my chest. “You don’t look like a devil.”

Her words made me laugh so loud that the ground rattled under our feet. She didn’t see the reason for my improved mood, as her eyes continued to roam over my face.

She tilted her head, showing a drop of blood staining her pristine skin. Her eyes took in all of my face, and the fear of being vulnerable came back. I never felt so small under someone’s gaze. Not even under my master’s.

“Thank you,” she murmured. When my brows joined, she clarified. “For showing me yourself and for taking me out of there.”

I nodded. The strangling sensation of being open to her was too much for me. “Let’s go. We need to find the second soul. The faster we finish this, the better.” I placed my hood on my head again, hiding.

There was no point in lingering here if she felt better.

But the image of her lashes dripping over her cheek and her shoulders deflating left me scarred.

Ana

I didn’t get out of my room, as I couldn’t even watch myself in the mirror. I couldn’t even eat properly, but something inside me, most likely the contract I signed, pushed me to feed myself.

Because at the end of the day, I killed a man. It was not my place to do it. I feared that something must have possessed me in that moment, because there was no way the love for God pushed me to decapitate that man.

The moment I heard the girl’s scream made me see red and act like an animal; lowering the scythe was my first instinct. Seeing his head rolling and his blood splattering all over me gave me a satisfaction I could not understand.

Maybe the guilt and anguish were not because I killed the man.

Maybe they bloomed because I enjoyed it.

Maybe I needed to confess my sins. But where would I do that when in the world I entered, there was no God?

I had no icon to pray to, only my imagination and my heart.

And the latter was not even there.

I did not have these feelings before. I could hide in a corner, weep, and then stand up and continue my day-to-day routine. Life in the countryside did not stop, so I could cry my sorrows.

Since the day I committed my first sin, I watched my family through the Souls’ Mirror.

They were happier, which dragged me deeper into my misery. They were smiling, which happened rarely when I was home and yet, my father was nowhere in sight.

And seeing the true face of the Goat Man did not bring me comfort at all. He was too stunning to look at. His nose was straight, his jaw was strong, and his lips were calling me. His dark locks reminded me of the midnight sky; his strange eyes mirrored the stars.