Page 49 of The Accidental Innkeeper

I stared at her.

She stared back.

Lola lifted her glass. “It is tasteful. Compared to last year. Though I will say—auction paddles make excellent accessories.”

My mouth opened. Closed. Opened again. “This is a real thing. You auction off men?”

“Bachelors,” Helen corrected.

That was… not better. I stared at her. She stared back, calm and unbothered, like she’d just told me the recycling pickup schedule, not that my inherited inn was about to host a live-action mating ritual.

“You’re telling me,” I said, “that women come here, drink cocktails, and bid actual money on men.”

“Yes.”

“For dates.”

“Yes.”

“In public.”

“Yes.”

I glanced at Lola. She smiled like she’d just remembered a fond vacation.

Helen continued, because apparently she enjoyed watching my sanity unravel. “It’s for charity. The lighthouse fund this year. Harbor maintenance. Scholarships. Very respectable.”

I laughed once, sharp and disbelieving. “You just said the word bachelors like it was a zoning category.”

Helen adjusted her glasses. “The men volunteer. It’s not like we force them.”

Lola snorted. “Eventually.”

Helen shot her a look. “They’re eager participants.”

“Mm-hmm,” Lola said. “Nothing motivates a man like wine, applause, and a numbered paddle.”

I rubbed my forehead. “Okay. Walk me through this. Slowly. Like I just woke up from a coma.” Because, that’s how it felt. “When,” I asked carefully, “is this happening.”

Helen checked her watch. “Next week.”

The room tilted. “Next week,” I echoed.

“Yes.”

I gestured wildly at the statue, the dust, the chaos. “This place is barely standing. I just stopped the boiler from screaming like it was being murdered.”

Helen nodded. “I know.”

That did not help.

“And you thought,” I said, my voice climbing, “that this was the moment to bring this up?”

Helen tilted her head, studying me. “I thought you’d want to be prepared.”

Prepared! I laughed. A short, slightly hysterical sound. “I am currently in a physical standoff with my dead aunt.”

Helen’s gaze flicked to Edna’s statue. Her mouth tightened. “Yes. Well. Edna was… very committed to her presence.”