Page 2 of When It’s All Said And Done

“Are you serious right now?”

“Yes, Vanessa, I am serious. You’re grown now and I can’t keep stressin’ over takin’ care of you. Mama gotta live her life.”

“Some fuckin’ life.”

“Vanessa Aaliyah Evans, watch yo’ mouth.”

“Why? I’m grown, remember? But you don’t want me here fine. I’m gone.”

I ignored whatever she was saying as I took a few steps down the hall to get to my room. With tears running down my face, I packed up my stuff and placed them in trash bags. It hurt my feelings the way my mom tossed me to the waist side like she didn’t give a fuck about me. Granted she wasn’t the best mother growing up but she made sure to always keep a roof over our heads and some food in the fridge. Giving my room one last look, I cleaned my face before leaving out.

It was so humiliating walking back to Mama Eva’s house with two trash bags in hand. I walked with my head held high unfazed by the whispers. Once I was safe inside the house, I cried again until Mama Eva came and found me by the door. After I explained everything to her she was happy to have me move in with her. The comfort she gave me today was the only thing that got me through such a rough day.

The next day, I was at the jail soon as visiting hours started. After I was searched, I waited for Nas at a table. It seemed like forever passed as other inmates came out but not Nas. Just as I was about to ask a guard for an update, the door opened and out walked Nas. The emotionless expression he had on his face was still there but accompanied by a slight mug.

The clean fade he now sported through me for a loop as I continued to take him in. His warm brown skin covered his six-foot muscular build. As I looked into his dark eyes, I felt like I was staring into bottomless pits as he sat in front of me. His tattoos were visible before the sleeve of his orange jail-issued uniform. I noticed his strong jaw flexing out the corner of my eyes, which caused me to look up and notice him staring at me.

“You cut your hair?” I wondered as my eyes shifted back to the top of his head.

“Yep,” he shrugged as our eyes locked. “Might as well do it on my own time before these crackas do.”

“It’s different, but it doesn’t look bad. Plus, you got that good ass hair, so it’ll take no time for your dreads to grow back. Watch how these next five years fly by in a blink of an eye. I’ma be there every step of the way, I just hate that you’ll be sent away on your twenty first birthday.”

“Tell me about it.”

“But once you’re settled, I’ll be there to visit you, baby.”

“Speakin’ of that. We actually need to talk.”

“Yeah, we have so much to catch up. You’d be surprised with how much can happen within twenty-four hours. Because you won’t believe that stunt my mom just pu…”

“Vanessa, we’re done!” he shouted quieting the entire visiting room. He looked around the room before clearing his throat to push through the awkward silence and stares. My eyes misted as the other inmates continued with their conversations while I hoped that he didn’t say what he’d said. “Uh, my bad. I didn’t mean to shout at you, but this is the best thing for everyone involved.”

“The best thing for everyone or just you, Nasir?!”

“You may not understand it right now, but this really is for the best. Once I get to prison I want you to move on and live your life. I’ll be good so don’t worry about me, Vanessa.”

“I can’t believe you’re sayin’ this shit to me right now. We can do this time together, Nas.”

“It’s not about the time. I don’t want you anymore. Do whatever and whoever the fuck you want I don’t care.”

I wanted to yell, scream and shout, but nothing came out as I watched him stand to his feet. I searched for some type of emotion in his eyes and face but came up empty. My heart broke into a million pieces as I sat there as he walked back towards the door he’d exit out of. A few minutes passed before I found the strength to finally get up. Each step I took back to Mama Eva’s car felt so heavy, as I thought of everything that just transpired.

As I sat in the car, I cried my eyes out as I realized all the fucked-up shit I’d just gone through. My phone rung breaking my crying session as I grabbed it out of my purse. I held the phone as a picture of me and my best friend, Yasmine, taking over my screen. As I battled with whether I wanted to talk or not, I continued to watch as the phone rung until it went to voicemail. Letting out a sigh, I started the car before pulling away from the jailhouse.

On the way to Mama Eva’s house, I called Yasmine back and filled her in with everything. Talking about it again worked me up, and Yas promised to meet me over there. I wished like hell these last two days were a horrible nightmare, but this was actually my reality. When I pulled up to the house, Yas was already waiting outside for me. Soon as I got out of the car, she rushed over to me and hugged me tightly.

“I am so sorry, Nessa,” she apologized as I cried on her shoulder. “You really don’t deserve any of the fuck shit you’re goin’ thru.”

“Why would he do me like this?” I questioned as I broke our hug to open the door. “He just ended things like it was nothing! Like what did I do?!”

“Nessa, what’s goin’ on?” Mama Eva questioned as she joined us in the kitchen.

“He broke up with me! Oh, God, I’m goin’ to be sick.”

I brushed past them and darted into the bathroom. After I emptied my stomach, I noticed Yas and Mama Eva standing at the doorway.

“Nessa, are you ok?” Yas side-eyed me. “You’ve been throwing up a lot lately.”