Page 103 of Miss Understanding

“I look like shit probably because I feel like shit.”

“What’s going on, Liam?” she asked when we got settled in her minivan.

I sighed deeply. “The executive committee is taking a vote next month about making me a named partner for the firm.”

“Congrats. But why so miserable? I thought it’s what you wanted.”

“I can’t have a relationship with Kendall and at the same time be a named partner.”

She was silent for a full minute. “I thought things were great between you two, last we talked.”

“They were, but it’s complicated.”

She was shaking her head. “Then, uncomplicate it, Liam. It’s what you do for a living. Break it down and solve the problem.”

“She’s pregnant. She found out yesterday.”

At least this time she muttered a holy shit in response. I then proceeded to dump the rest on her, including my own less-than-stellar reaction to the news. I had to hand it to my sister; she simply listened until I was out of words.

“Do you think she did it on purpose?”

“No. Not at all.” I raised my voice, glaring at her. I’d thought she liked Kendall.

“I’m not asking because I think that for a second, but I’m trying to ensure you’re not idiot enough to believe it.”

“If anything, it’s my fault for using an old condom I found in my desk.” Probably TMI, but Allison didn’t flinch.

“Do you love her?”

I didn’t hesitate. “Yes, but given the way I’ve already fucked things up, I’m a terrible boyfriend. I’ll make an even worse husband and father. She deserves better.”

“I call bullshit, little brother. You don’t deserve her because you’re making damn sure you don’t. You’re thinking if you can’t be perfect and say all the right things, then you won’t be worthy. But relationships don’t work that way. You don’t get a plaque for the wall or a title by your name for being successful at it. But I’d argue that what you do get is much, much more valuable.”

“She hates me. And I don’t blame her. For all I know, she may not even keep the baby.”

Allison let out a long sigh. “She doesn’t hate you. She’s hurt. Although it’s absolutely her right to do what she needs to do regarding the pregnancy, it’s your right to tell her how you feel about the options. Do you want her to get an abortion?”

“Hell no.” There wasn’t a doubt in my mind.

“Then, unequivocally tell her that. Because I can bet she’s feeling like a burden. She may feel if she were to terminate the pregnancy or have a miscarriage you’d be relieved.”

“It’s not how I feel. I need to call her.”

She was shaking her head. “No more conversations via phone. I would think you’d already have learned that lesson the hard way. You need to do this face to face. And only after you figure out what you intend to do.”

“I know what I need to do,” I said with a sigh.

Allison heaved a big sigh. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“What happens after you get your name on the door? What’s next?”

“What do you mean? It’s a big accomplishment to become a named partner.”

“It is. But will you see it that way? Or will you instead try to figure out what else you need to do in order to prove yourself? Will you try to increase the size of the firm? Double the revenue? Put the firm on the map in some other way?”

I always did more because I was never enough.