Page 110 of The Blood Rites

Dust and old Mana hang in the room, remnants of Offerings past.

I sit up, waiting for the blood to return to my limbs, for my body to become useful again, but the aftershock runs too deep. Every breath catches before it can settle. I sit there for a long time, as useless as I was when she fell, staring at the cracks and telling myself over and over not to cry.

The knock on my door is soft. So soft, I think it must be Marissa. I ignore it.

The handle rattles, then stops. Not Marissa, then—Kael. I hear him breathe through the gap in the frame, the faintest growl caught at the edge of it. I don’t think he’ll force the door, but I can’t be sure. How well do I know this boy? This dangerous prince who saves me and ruins me in the same breath. I wait, uncertain if I can bear to see him. Part of me wants to see him break down the door.

A minute later, he knocks again. More insistent this time.

I get up. Not because I want to, but because I can’t bear the thought of him waiting on the other side, worrying.

I open the door.

Kael is there, slouched against the frame with one boot crossed over the other. His uniform is singed at the cuffs, one sleeve ripped, the opposite shoulder torn open. His face is drawn with exhaustion, and still, stupidly, beautiful. His dark eyes scan me in one fierce sweep.

He looks at me the way he did before, as if he’s committing me to memory in case I disappear.

“Can I come in?” he says.

I step aside, and he moves in. Suddenly the room feels smaller, like there is less space for me to fall apart. He closes the door behind him with a gentle click, then stands by the bed, as I sit back down on the floor.

He says nothing for a while before dropping onto the bed. The mattress protests, sagging under his weight. “I tried to get to you.” There’s frustration in his voice, but something softer beneath it too. An apology?

“Atheron got in my way. Then the bridges. Then I saw Rask and I wanted to end him.”

I look up at him, and the Shadow Prince falls away. The trained killer too. All that’s left is the exhausted, unravelling boy beneath. His left hand is curled in a fist on his knee, so tight his knuckles are bloodless.

“I thought you were dead,” he says. The words are quiet, but the tremor in them is not.

I shrug, because I have nothing else.

Kael lets the silence build until it’s unbearable, then cracks it with a short laugh. “You’re really fucking me up, you know.”

He looks around the room, unable to settle on anything. “I had Rask by the throat. I was ready to rip his head off for what he did to you. And then the sky turned gold. I didn't know what to think.”

I remember the shockwave of light, the way it torched the mist and lit up the sky.

“Atheron nearly had me,” I say. “I lost control.”

He stands abruptly, pacing the small room. He moves like he’s afraid to sit still in case he erupts.

“I tried every shadow I could reach,” he murmurs.

I shake my head in disbelief. “You caught me, didn’t you?”

“I came this close to losing you,” he snaps, pinching his fingers together until there is barely any space between them.

What is he saying?

“But you didn’t,” I say. “You caught me.”

Kael’s mouth tightens. He comes to a crouch in front of me, folding himself until we are almost eye level.

He puts a hand on my knee, tentative and gentle.

“When I saw you go over the edge—” He stops himself.

“Every time that number changes, I’m terrified it’s you,” he says, his eyes locked on my forehead, unable to meet mine. “I can’t stand it.”