Page 153 of When In Doubt

“Yeah, but now it’s real.”

“You’ll do great. The crew look up to you so much.” I try to reassure him, but he won’t quite look at me.

“Sure, I guess.”

“What’s going on?” I frown up at him.

“I just don’t know if I can do it.”

“You can. I know you can.”

“I just… Fuck, Freya. I’m such a mess right now.”

“That’s okay. Tell me how I can help.” I reach to touch his cheek, trying to get him to face me.

He takes a step back and my heart lurches. What is this? I know he was stressed about going back to the station today, but I don’t know why he’s being so distant?

“I don’t need help.” I flinch back at the sharpness in his tone. He grimaces. “Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

His eyes shine and my feet move of their own accord. I step back into his space, reaching up to catch the first tear that traces a line down his cheek. He squeezes his eyes shut, not letting any more break out.

“I don’t want to drag you into all my shit,” he says.

Oh, Oscar. Always the one to hold up everyone else. Why can’t he see that that’s what I want to be for him too?

I give his lapels a shake. “You’re not dragging me anywhere, I’m chasing after you, you idiot.”

He lets out a bitter laugh. “Freya, you don’t deserve this.”

“Let me decide what I deserve.”

His head drops, like he can’t hold up the weight of it anymore. “Freya.”

I pull him into me, wrapping him in my arms. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”

“I love you,” he mumbles into my hair. “I don’t want to hurt you. I feel like I’m a black cloud, like I’ll ruin everything.”

My chest cracks open. “Oscar, baby, you’re grieving. That’s not gonna ruin anything. You’re not going to hurt me just because you’re in pain. That’s not who you are. I just want to be with you. I want to help.”

“Okay,” he breathes. I try to hold him tighter. It’s like he’s a ghost, like he could disappear at any second. “Okay.”

Chapter Fifty

FREYA

“What time are you picking up Luci?” Oscar asks between mouthfuls of cereal. He’s sitting across the island, thinking I haven’t noticed that he hasn’t looked me in the eye all morning.

“Her flight gets in at one.”

“Cool.” He scoops another spoonful into his mouth.

I pick at my toast, suddenly not hungry. “Is everything alright?”

He shoots me a tight smile. “Of course.”

I nod, my skin itching. “You sure?”

“Uh huh.” He finishes his bowl and stands to put it in the dishwasher. “I’ve got to head out, let me know when you get to Denver.”