Page 142 of When In Doubt

“Still good?” I ask breathlessly.

“So good.”

“Alright.”

I stand, swatting away her hands when they reach to pull me back. Staring out at the long line of her, I unbutton my jeans, shedding the final layers of my clothing and tossing them away. I catch a flash of nerves in her eyes but it’s quickly washed away by heat as I crawl over her, covering her body with mine.

Bracing myself on one elbow, I let my thumb trace over the line of her jaw, her cheek. I press a kiss to the tip of her nose, but when I pull back, I can’t quite catch her eyes.

I nudge her to face me but after another second, her gaze flickers away again.

“Freya?” I ask, pushing myself up, giving her space.

She palms the back of my neck, her grip firm as she goes to tug me back down. I resist, not knowing what’s happening. The memory of that first time plays back in my mind. I can’t ever do that to her again. I couldn’t handle it.

“Baby, tell me what’s happening.”

“I’m good, I promise.”

“Then, why won’t you look at me?”

She squeezes her eyes shut, letting out a frustrated sigh. “It’s nothing, I’m fine.”

I get off of her completely, sitting next to her. She mutters out a curse and sits up, rubbing the heel of her palm over her forehead.

“What’s going on? Do you want to stop?”

“No.” She shakes her head determinedly. “Definitely not.”

“Honey, I’m going crazy over here, you’ve got to tell me what’s happening.”

“It’s just…” She stalls, trying to find her words. “The way you’re looking at me, it’s just a bit too much.”

Everything clicks into place, and I could almost weep with the relief of it. “The eye contact?”

She nods.

“That’s it? That’s the only thing you don’t like? You’re into everything else?”

“So, so into it.” She rests her forehead against my shoulder. “I’m sorry, I’m being weird.”

“You’re not being weird, not at all.”

I hate that she feels that way about herself.

A thought occurs to me, something that might make this easier on her. I rub the tip of my nose against her temple, inhaling her sweet scent. If she wants to have sex without the eye contact, I can probably think of some solutions.

“Be right back,” I whisper, standing and crossing to the drawers.

“What are you doing?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

I open up the top drawer and dig around for a minute until I find what I’m looking for. A silk necktie that I bought for a cousin’s wedding.

I turn back to the bed. When Freya sees what I’m holding her eyes widen and her hands fist in the sheets. “Is that…?” She trails off, uncertainty threading her voice.