Page 74 of Coming Clean

“We don’t knowyet.”

Fuck.

“Can you believe we didn’teven know they were fags?”

Connor wished Mario hadnever told him. “Well, I…” Saysomething!

“You just never know aboutpeople, even when you work with them. I keep thinking about howmany times I showered right next to them.”

Connor thought he mightthrow up. “They’re still the same men you’ve known andtrusted.”

“Seriously? Asheville’sgotten to you, man.”

“No, it’s not Asheville,it’s—”

“My sister and her damnliberal shit. Now she’s even got you calling me forher.”

“That’s not why Icalled.” Say it. Tell him you’regay. “She didn’t put me up toit.”

“Whatever. Look, I gottarun. Take care of yourself.”

Mario ended the call, andConnor threw his phone across the room. Fortunately, it landed on achair and didn’t shatter. He would have been even more pissed ifhe’d had to buy a new phone.

What the hell was wrongwith him? Why couldn’t he say those few, simple words?

Because he showed youexactly how he feels.

Sabrina’s right. He’s anasshole.

Was he? What had Connorseen in Mario that made him idolize the man? Mario was brave andincredibly patient with new recruits. He could shoot with aprecision that most people, even other recon guys, couldn’timagine. He was the perfect soldier. Or was he? Had he listened toorders that day in the village?

You warned him—

It wasn’t my place to tellhim.

Had Connor loved a man whodidn’t exist? No, he refused to believe that. There was as muchgood in Mario as there was prejudice and arrogance. Or there hadbeen, anyway. Connor remembered the dead look in Mario’s eyes whenthey’d said goodbye. Mario had said that he wasn’t good foranything anymore but killing. He’d declared that he was going todie over there. Could Connor save him? Could Sabrina? No, not ifMario knew who they really were.

That thought hurt so muchConnor thought his chest might split in two. Mario had beeneverything to him. He’d given Connor purpose, helped him findhimself. And then when Connor was captured, it was Mario who pulledhim out of that goddamn, suffocating prison.

Connor had been a mess whenhe’d joined up—wild, untrained, and full of hate—but Mario had seenhis potential and made him into a soldier. And they’d saved peopletogether. They’d made a difference whenever they could, but there’dbeen so much shit they couldn’t fix, so many people they couldn’thelp. Connor’d had to get out or he would have died insidetoo.

He dropped his head intohis hands and let the stinging sensation behind his eyes turn totears. One splashed onto the back of his hand. Connor watched thedroplet break apart from the impact. Was he going to break aparttoo? He wasn’t sure he could both hold himself together and holdonto Jeremy. Connor curled into a ball and sobbed. The hell he’dbeen through the last year of his tour had sent cracks through him,and they were just now shattering.

****

Jeremy called the nextmorning before Connor headed to his first appointment of the day.He almost didn’t answer. Jeremy knew he’d been planning to callMario, and Connor didn’t want to admit his failure. “Goodmorning.”

“Good morning to you too,”Jeremy said. “How did it go last night?”

“Um… he wasn’tavailable.” Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. He’d just lied to Jeremy, notavoided or shaded the truth but flat-out lied. He was doing exactlywhat David feared. Suddenly the cereal he’d eaten didn’t seem sosettled in his stomach.

“That’s too bad,” Jeremysounded disappointed but he’d bought Connor’s lie.

“I’ll try again.” Wouldhe?

“Okay. I wanted to ask yousomething.”

It must be something Jeremythought Connor wouldn’t like or he wouldn’t be hesitating.“Whatever it is, just ask.” Connor tried to make the words soundencouraging rather than annoyed, but he wasn’t sure itworked.