Page 84 of The Last Guardian

“What’s going on?” Zaidkiel insisted.

For the first time in five years, I wanted to tell the truth and not hide anymore.

Zaidkiel’s voice darkened in a low murmur. “It wasn’t pneumonia?”

My eyes couldn’t let go of my plate. The lie I had kept for too long begged to escape. My throat bobbed as I suppressed the sob in my chest, the tears…

“How did she die?” Zaidkiel persisted.

Warm, salty drops beaded on my cheek, falling on my lips. I needed to calm down, I needed to breathe, I needed to…

Soft skin gently touched my chin, pulling me to look up. Zaidkiel’s warm finger stroked my skin to get me to gaze into his eyes. But I kept my eyes downcast. Until⁠—

“Alyana,” Zaidkiel pleaded, his voice breaking at the back of his throat.

The murmurs in the room, the air around us, the world—everything stilled.

Zaidkiel pronounced my name as if it were something sacred—a secret only the two of us were meant to share, a whispered prayer spoken softly.

Why did it affect me?

Why did he affect me so much?

Maybe it was the way his voice lingered on it. Or how he reached past my skin and touched something I’d kept hidden.

Myself.

I raised my eyes, and something shifted—an invisible string tightening. His eyes darkened, catching the shimmer of my tears, tracing them. Like he would do anything to make them disappear from my eyes. The world around us fell quiet, like even the air was holding its breath.

Why did my name on his lips stir something deep inside of me? Something I couldn’t name, urging the voice inside of me not to hide.

It urged me to confess.

How had I found her five years before in my arms…

Why was the person I shouldn’t tell this story to the one I wanted to share it with the most?

Maybe it was the way his eyes bored into mine, searching, digging to find the truth. Not to use it against me, but as if he would do anything to erase the agony in my soul.

“I—I don’t know,” I admitted, closing my eyes.

Zaidkiel held his breath, his eyes searching mine. His thumb brushed my cheek in soft strokes, wiping away the tears.

“I cannot—” A sob died out in the back of my throat.

Zaidkiel’s skin on mine anchored me in the present, as if he could keep me away from the past.

“I only remember waking up on the ground, in the middle of nowhere, the carriage right behind my back. My dress was stained with her blood⁠—”

Zaidkiel blinked when I opened my eyes again, stung by what I had said. For a heartbeat, he stared. And then I saw it happen, the understanding dawning in his eyes.

“I was holding her lifeless body in my arms, calling for help. There was no one around, only us⁠—”

For hours, I screamed and shouted, trying to wake her, to bring her back, to exchange my place with hers. Begging death to take me instead. I swallowed another sob, trying to chase away the need to die since that day.

“Is this the memory you’ve been so determined to retrieve?” Zaidkiel whispered, his eyes falling on a tear that had trailed down to the corner of my lips. His thumb brushed it away.

I nodded, closing my eyes once more. The tears didn’t hold back. I didn’t mention the rest, about what Nevan did… No, it was something else entirely.