Page 11 of Speed

"I'm not going to tell you where she lives, if that's what you're asking," Marlee said.

I was quick to respond. "No, that's not what I'm asking. I had the idea that I could visit you at the office and happen to run into Kayla, or maybe outside. Somewhere public. I just want to be able to talk with her."

The line was quiet and I estimated that I had a 50/50 chance of this working out.

Finally she spoke, her words coming out accompanied by a long sigh. "Okay. Tonight at seven. Show up at Harman's. It's on Third, around the corner from our offices. I think I can talk her into going there."

CHAPTER 8

RELEASE

KAYLA

I still wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone about what had happened with Axel. I managed to get started writing the interview, but I had erected a brick wall in my mind, keeping all the emotional stuff behind it as best I could. At times, I could feel the wall threatening to crumble.

At the same time, I was kicking myself, of course. How in the world had I thought that seeing him and flirting with him would somehow free me from him? It had made sense to me at the time, but it now seemed like the dumbest idea in the world. I'd thought I'd built him up to god-like status in my mind, but it turned out that real, live, grown-up Axel was pretty damn spectacular. And even more unforgettable than the Axel I'd been thinking about since I was a girl.

Meeting with him, talking to him—kissing him—had of course had the exact opposite result. Now, he was just about all I could think about.

At the office, Marlee checked in with me a few times but I kept putting her off, not ready to talk about him. On Thursday, I finally agreed to go out for drinks with her. She was getting more and more insistent, and I decided that maybe talking about Axel would help get him out of my head. Kind of like how singing an earworm aloud is supposed to get the song out of your head. That had never actually worked for me, but it was worth a try.

Marlee and I headed out together after work and we were soon sipping margaritas and digging into a greasy platter of appetizers. I told her how the interview had transpired, and what had happened at Axel's home site. I was starting to describe the uncomfortable ride back to the restaurant when I saw Marlee's attention shift to somewhere behind me. I turned, and there he was, suddenly at my side.

I'd like to say anger was my first reaction, but it wasn’t. I was glad to see him, and I was flattered that he wanted to see me. My stomach was doing cartwheels.

But then I got it together and reminded myself that I'd told him to leave me alone. If I was ever going to get over him, he was going to have to actually follow through.

"Why are you here?" I said, flashing him a look of anger before half turning away from him.

He stepped back into my line of vision. "Because I need to talk to you."

"If it's about your interview, you can send an email. Otherwise, we don't have anything to talk about."

"Kayla, why are you shutting me out? I'm not my father."

I glanced up at Axel's face, and his pain and sincerity were obvious. I knew it would hurt me more, but I couldn't continue to be a bitch to him. Self-preservation be damned; it just didn't feel right. I didn't speak, but I looked at him fully and he took that as an invitation to continue.

He glanced at Marlee and she looked at me. I nodded to let her know I'd be okay, and she quickly excused herself, leaving me alone with Axel.

"I don't make commitments and break them, Kayla. I haven't been married and divorced. I don't have a girlfriend. I don't do relationships."

I'm sure my face expressed disbelief. "Who are all those women you're out with? Paid escorts?"

"They're dates. Yes, I date, and I like women. But I don't make promises and I don't let things get serious." Axel actually said this like he was proud of the fact, like it was a point of honor.

"You've never been in a serious relationship?" I couldn't keep a mocking tone out of my voice, though I was quickly realizing that he was telling me the truth.

Axel shook his head slowly.

I leaned back in my chair, my angry posture softening. "That's sad," I said.

"What are you talking about?" Axel scoffed. He leaned in closer as if to make sure he heard me correctly.

"It sounds like your dad's behavior has messed you up even more than it did my mom." I saw the confusion in his eyes and I continued. "That's no way to go through life, never getting close to anyone, never making a commitment."

The energy that Axel had brought into the bar with him seemed to leave him. He settled on the edge of Marlee's vacant chair, more to support himself than to join me. He looked lost.

If he wasn't hurting me, I seemed to be hurting him, and I wished more than ever that I'd not signed up to interview Axel. We weren't good for each other. At all.