Page 84 of Sunset Catchers

“I’ll have to check,” I say, knowing she won’t even follow up with me. She probably already hired someone.

“We need someone quickly. We want to have it redone before we host our friends and family for Christmas.”

I wince. I did not think it was possible, but Levi’s grip tightens on the steering wheel.

“Sure. I’ll get right on it.”

“Great. I’d look for one myself, but my life has been so hectic. With Livie in fifth grade and keeping up with all her extracurricular activities, I’ve just been swamped.”

Oh! This is my cue; it’s time to dissociate.

Sometimes, it is too painful for me to stay anchored in my own body. I let my mind fly while my body remains an empty vessel and my chest is a hollow cavity.

I’m just flesh and bones. Nothing can hurt me.

“Livie is taking dance classes, and I’ve become close friends with some of the other moms.”

I hum.

“We always organize activities for the girls. We’re going to the zoo next Saturday. It’s going to be so much fun.”

I hum.

“I’m so happy I get to do this with her.”

Fuck! Raw hurt slips past me, anchoring itself in my soft tissues and pulling me back into my body.

“Oh and did you see the pictures I posted on Facebook? Isn’t Livie the cutest? She has been begging me for a new sparkly bag pack, and she is such a sweet girl. Being so easy and playing calmly for me, I just had to get it for her.”

My lungs deflate loudly. The back of my eyes sting.

I can’t even hear what my mother is saying anymore. Probably because, Levi, well, ended the call.

Music starts playing again, one of the five songs on my playlist.

I blinked once, then glanced at Levi.

“Did you just hang up on my mom?”

“Yes.”

“That’s…I don’t…why?” My fingers quickly swipe under my eyes. I really don’t want to cry, but I sort of already am.

“I’m not just going to sit here and do nothing while you cry. Not on my watch, Win.”

“Then, just look away! I’m not on your watch, Levi!”

“Yes, you fucking are. You gave me a warning, remember. Well, I’ve been on tornado watch ever since, and I’m not about to let you spiral over someone who makes you so sad.”

I stared at his profile for a long moment.

“Pull over,” I order him.

It takes four minutes and twenty seconds of tense silence, and of sparse breaths for me, before the opportunity to pull over presents itself in the form of a gas station. I snort at the irony if the situation. Levi looks at me, the muscles of his face all stiff.

He braces himself when he sees the expression on my face. But he does not know what is coming his way. Which is me. My hands fisted his t-shirt, and I pulled him toward me while throwing my upper body forward to meet his. There is nothing coy about my lips as they meet his. I’ve never been impassioned when it comes to kissing guys. I’m always needy, but never avid the way I am right now.

This isn’t about simply kissing; it’s mouth-to-mouth to blow some life back into me. It’s about decanting some of the heavy feelings I’m holding right now. Levi stroked a match, and now, there is an inferno inside me.