Page 103 of Sunset Catchers

“Okay?”

Huh. What’s happening? I was so certain and assertive that dating Levi was a good thing. Why am I so unsure suddenly? I think talking to Junie has landed me back on earth. I have a whole life, outside of what’s happening here.

“Talk to me, Win.”

“We did agree that we are dating. Now, I’m not so sure it’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Well, first of all, my contract here is almost up. I’ll be coming back home in three weeks, and then, what? I send him back out to sea, and we see each other the next time one of us is anchored near the other?”

“Babe, Montreal and Toronto are so close to each other. It’s only a five-hour drive and an hour-long flight. You can even take the train. It’s fine, it works.”

“Okay, yes, you’re right,” I relent.

“Plus, isn’t Levi his own boss? He could work from anywhere, I assume.”

“Correct.”

“What else?”

“I don’t know.” I feel like crying. “My head is over the moon, but my heart feels heavy.” Shouldn’t it be the opposite; my head reeling and my heart content?

“Well, my dear friend, I think you’ve got the morbs.”

“I knew it! Levi did give me some boy disease! How long do I have?”

“It’s not an STI and you’re not dying. You’re just having a bout of melancholy.”

“Please explain with modern words.”

“I just think your heart is not used to feeling so much. Your brain is always in overdrive, but your heart—it’s always tucked away, hibernating.”

A single tear rolls down my cheek. I swipe it away.

“So again, what’s my remedy?” I ask her, sniffling.

“No remedy needed. You’re a Lana Del Rey song. Just accept that your brand of happiness might come with a tone of sadness.”

“I wish it didn’t, though.”

I wish, more than anything, that happy just meant happy for me. Its own little sunshine yellow bubble of joy. But the ever-present cloud over my head can’t just puff out of existence. It’s a whole ecosystem. I should’ve studied meteorology, majored in clouds.

“I know, but I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

“Not even the third toe on my right foot you think looks weird?”

“I’d definitely waste one of my wishes from a genie on that toe, but everything else, perfection.”

I laugh a wet snort, wiping my cheeks dry.

“What about you? How’s the search for your one true love going?”

She sighs heavily. “Men are vile. If this isn’t proof that we don’t choose our sexual orientation, then I don’t know what is.”

“That bad, huh?”

“The worst.”