Page 100 of The Mistress of Ashmore Castle

Kitty pressed the hand that held hers so tenaciously. ‘I feel a little better each day,’ she said, to comfort her. Then, ‘What’s the matter, Alice? What is it really?’

Alice broke. ‘I feel so guilty! I was out and you were all alone. If I’d been there . . .’

‘I told you to go,’ said Kitty. ‘And I’m all right. I will be all right.’

Alice hung her head. She had been at Axe’s cottage, happy, enjoying herself, playing with Dolly and a new litter of kittens. Axe had offered her one for herself. And all the while . . .

‘Please don’t cry,’ Kitty said wearily, ‘or you’ll start me off.’

‘Sorry.’ Alice blew her nose determinedly, and picked up her sketch-pad. Dr Arbogast had said the patient ought not to be agitated or upset. ‘Look, I did a new drawing of Louis for you. It’s rather rough, but he won’t stay still for long.’

‘It’s lovely. Whose lap is that?’

‘Afton’s.’ Alice giggled. ‘He’s taken such a fancy to him. Nanny can hardly contain herself – she doesn’t think men ought to go into the nursery, ever.’

‘Not even Giles?’

‘Not even Giles. But she has to put up with him, since he pays her wages.’

* * *

Giles brought the new baby down to her – or, rather, he went up and commanded it, and Jessie followed him down with the baby tightly clutched to her chest.

‘Still doing well,’ he said, taking the bundle from her and placing it in Kitty’s arms.

Kitty looked down at the tiny face, a wrinkled red apple surrounded by lace. Already she had got used to Louis and forgotten how small new babies were. Could something so small possibly be complete? She looked up. ‘He’s really all right?’

‘Taking nourishment well, I’m told, and putting on weight. All things being equal, he should survive long enough for us to give him a name.’

There was no answering smile from Kitty, and he felt guilty, thinking she was not ready to be light about any part of it.

In fact, she was simply feeling blank. The precious moments of recognition immediately after birth had not been vouchsafed to her, and she had been too ill to hold the baby for a long time afterwards, and was not feeding him. She felt no attachment to him. ‘It’s good we had another boy,’ she said.

She had done her duty. She had provided the House with a son and a spare. There was no need for any more. There was no more need for her, really. If she died now, it wouldn’t matter at all. She sighed and let her head drop back on the pillow.

Jessie was quick to come forward. ‘Let me take him, my lady. You’re tired.’

‘Yes, take him,’ Kitty murmured. Poor little boy, she thought, and tears came to her eyes.

Giles was alarmed. ‘I’ll leave you to sleep,’ he said; and left the room to send for Dr Arbogast again.

She asked to see Afton, and Giles sent for him. He came, looking his usual spry, dapper self, but with a shy hang of the head, never having been in a lady’s bedchamber before. He didn’t really know where it was proper to look.

But Kitty held out her hand to be shaken, and said, ‘They tell me you saved my life.’

‘Oh, no, my lady,’ he demurred at once. ‘I just happened to be there. Anyone would have done the same.’

‘Not everyone would have been as quick thinking as you,’ she said. ‘So thank you, all the same. And for taking care of my little boy – Lord Ayton.’

Afton smiled. ‘He’s a fine lad, if I might be allowed to say so, my lady.’

‘And grown fond of you.’

‘His lordship kindly lets me go and see him now and then.’

‘Were you never married, Afton?’

‘No, my lady. The opportunity never came along.’