Page 109 of Worth the Fall

But I don’t. I can’t.

The shame is instant.

The regret immediate.

But the want still thrives despite knowing I broke my promise to her.

And to myself.

“I’m so sorry, Mom.”

I double over and cry with every part of my body and repeat the words she used to whisper in my ear as she’d hold me after she’d find new cuts on my arms again.

This hurt doesn’t take away my pain, only being strong will.

I am in control of me.

I will survive despite it.

I am loved regardless of it.

And at the end of the runway in the early morning, I rock myself back and forth, repeat my mother’s words, and hope I can find my strength once again.