Page 74 of Out of Control

“A lot as in just for booty calls or a lot as in conversation and meals and—”

“As in he’s helping me get the gallery together.”

“Oh.” The sound. Yep, she gets it. Maybe it even makes me hear what I’m saying too.

“Yeah. Oh. But like I said. It’s just fun. It’s just a way to feel good. It’s—”

“Just you casually denying you’re catching feelings for him.”

I snort. “I can catch feelings for him all I want. It’s what I can’t do with him that matters.”

“And what’s that?” she asks what I’ve been avoiding myself.

“Taking this beyond what it already is,” I whisper.

“And when God forbid, your grandfather has passed on, when you’re standing in an empty flat or staring at the ceiling at night, is it really going to matter what he thought about a man you decided to invite into your life who wasn’t the right lineage or born into the right family? Are you willing to give up your happiness or what possibly could be for a man who was born in a different century and a majorly different time?”

“Lilith.”

“What? I know it’s the Navarro women’s job to stand by and be the support pillar in the family. To make sure all the charities you’ve traditionally supported are kept in the public eye. To be at every race as the endearing daughter and sister. To make sure the family is spoken about in the most positive manner—which includes marrying someone of the proper whatever it’s called. I’ll say what I’ve always said about that. Fuck that, Sofia. Just because your mom failed at it, it doesn’t mean it lands on your shoulders to be perfect at all of it. And even if you were, it doesn’t make anything right. Not her abandonment. Not your grandfather’s antiquated ideals of what you should be. Nothing. The only thing that it would definitely do is make you miserable. And you have been. Right up until you met up with me at the festival.”

“That’s not true.” But even those words are hard to get out.

“You and I both know it is. I love you, Sof. More than anything. So hear me when I say this. There are a few times in your life when you should stand up for what you want. If Rossi’s worth it, if the way he makes you feel is worth it, then maybe this is that time.”

And long after she hangs up, I sit with my eyes closed and the sun warming my skin. Lilith’s words replay in my head.

Over and over.

Guilt chases after them.

Guilt that she’s right. I want more. This could be more. Rossi deserves better.

No. Ollie deserves better.

Guilt that I’m wrong. It’s not okay to play with Rossi’s emotions. It’s not okay to lead him on. It’s not okay to essentially be a couple when we can’t be one.

But . . .

Are you willing to give up your happiness or what possibly could be for a man who was born in a different century and a majorly different time?

No.

I don’t know.

Does he really feel anything for me?

“Sofia. I don’t give a fuck who your family is. What they have. Their history. But how they treat you matters to me. This? Right here? It matters too. You’re who matters.”

And when I don’t want to think anymore, I get up from the pool deck and go to the only place other than the gallery that I want to be.

I head to Ollie’s.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Rossi

I close my eyes and command the wheel.