Page 196 of Off Limits: The Firsts

One side of her lip curls up. “Nothing. He’ll come to you.”

“That’s a solid plan. Real solid,” I say in frustrated disbelief. Just when I start to believe her, she pulls something like that? My sigh is loud.

“No. I’m serious. You’ve laid the groundwork. You were honest with him. You told him you wanted him personally and professionally and why the two can’t mix. But he’s a rule breaker, Dekker. He’s going to push boundaries just because he can. He’s going to want to be macho and masculine and prove he can have you and eat his cake too.”

“I think you’re crazy.”

“And I think I’m right.”

I stare at my sister, so similar and yet so very different from me, and wonder how she can be so sure. And I consider the many exchanges between Hunter and me. Over the laughter, his ability to be serious with me, and I wonder how I never saw it before. How angry he was when he accused me of meeting with my clients night after night. How he let his guard down ever so briefly with me on the hard-packed snow amid angel wings we had made. How his smile lit up when the ice became littered with tennis balls at the Dartmouth game.

And more so, I wonder how I’ve been harboring feelings for a man for over three years and never took charge of them, when I seem to grab everything else by the balls.

Because you’re scared, Dekker.

You’re scared because you know he’s the most real thing you’ve ever felt and it terrifies and exhilarates you.

“I don’t know,” I murmur. How and when did my little sister become so wise?

“I do.” She leans forward and drops the puck on top of the paperwork I keep staring at. “It may take him a few days—a week, or two—but with radio silence from you, he’ll realize how much he misses you. How much he’s gotten used to you being around, and how puck bunnies look boring to him now.”

“You have an active imagination.” That’s just the visual I need in my head. God, I hope he ignores the puck bunnies.

“Either that, or I’ve had a client or two go through something similar before going holy shit, I’m going to lose her.” She clucks her tongue as if she had some play in these revelations. “He came back for you this time around because he wanted to see if the feelings you both walked away from were legit. He’s pushing you away now, because they are.”

I lean back in my chair and close my eyes, letting her words settle and take root as she moves toward the door.

“Hey, Dekk?”

“Hmmm?”

“Falling for someone is never the plan. One day, you just wake up and it’s there in full-freaking, high-definition color. You realize those unanticipated butterflies you got when you saw him, those frustrated late nights overthinking and overanalyzing every interaction, those automatic, genuine smiles when you received a text from him . . . they all add up until they become love. It’s the little things that add up. It’s the unseen that touches your soul. It’s the unexpected that makes you fall in love.” She moves to the doorway. “I’ve got to jet . . . but you know I’m here for you. You know we only want the best for you.”

I look at her through eyes blurred with tears and nod. “Thank you.”

She smiles and then turns her back.

I listen to the door of the outer office click shut, to the lock engage, and to her footsteps down the hallway to the elevator.

When I put my feet up on my desk, lean my head back, and close my eyes again, I carefully examine her words.

I wonder what would have happened all those years ago had I not run from him that night. If I had just been honest instead of chickening out.

Is Brexton right?

If I wait, will he come?

Hunter

No text.

It’s the first time in years that I look at my phone after my game and see nothing from my father.

There’s relief and an odd constricting of my chest. Almost as if I don’t know how to process my post-game cool down without the anger generated by them.

As if not having that negativity I’ve been a slave to for so very long feels like I’ve lost a part of me. As if it’s no longer worth comparing me to Jonah . . . leaving him to him and me to me. Untethered.

I sit on the bench with the guys moving around me and simply stare at my phone.