Page 24 of The Wild Card

He crosses to the kitchen and picks one up, turning it over in his hand like he’s inspecting it for defects. Then he takes a bite.

His eyes close—just for a second, just long enough for me to feel unreasonably proud of myself.

“Good?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

“High praise from you.” I grin and turn back to my laptop, which is open on the kitchen table surrounded by recipe cards, measuring cups, and a dusting of flour I should probably clean up. “I’m testing for the cookbook. Trying to get the texture just right.”

He doesn’t respond. When I glance over, he’s standing in the middle of the kitchen, cookie half-eaten, staring at me with an expression I can’t quite read.

“What?” I ask.

He takes a breath. “Emmie. Did you read the entire roommate agreement before you signed it?”

The question catches me off guard. “Hmm? Yeah, of course.”

“All seventeen pages?”

I look up from my laptop. He’s watching me with an intensity that makes my stomach flip, and not entirely in a good way. “I mean… I read the important parts?”

“Did you read Section 7?”

“That was…” I search my memory. “Quiet hours, right?”

“That’s Section 4.”

A nervous laugh escapes me. “Okay, you’re being weird. What’s Section 7?”

He doesn’t answer. He just turns and walks down the hallway toward his room. I hear a drawer open, papers shuffling, and then he’s back, holding a familiar stack of documents.

The roommate agreement. He gave me a copy last night, which I definitely put somewhere and then immediately forgot about.

He flips to a page near the back and holds it out to me. “Section 7, Subsection C.”

I take it, scanning the header.

Additional Arrangements.

Okay, that sounds… vague. I keep reading.

The Girlfriend Clause.

My eyes go wide.

Tenant agrees that, should Landlord require companionship for professional or personal social obligations, Tenant will fulfill the role of “girlfriend” for a period not to exceed two (2) months or until Landlord’s objective is achieved, whichever comes first.

I read it again. And again. The words don’t change.

I’m sorry. What in the actual banana bread?

Girlfriend Duties Include:

Attending work events as needed

Answering phone calls from Landlord’s supervisor with “appropriate girlfriend enthusiasm”

Posting a minimum of two (2) couple photos on social media per month