Page 84 of Dirty Legacy

“Thank you,” she says into my ear. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ve been meaning to say that for a very long time. Thank you so much.”

“Oh, uh, you’re welcome?”

“My wife is very loving and affectionate,” Cathal says, patting the meat rack like it’s her rump.

“You saved my girl’s life and I can never repay you. Thank you. No matter what, even if you’re married to that prick Connor, I will always love you and have your back.”

Right. Of course. This is Rowan’s mother—I keep forgetting because she seems so young compared to Cathal. I try to act like it’s no big deal but she grips my hands and holds my eyes and swears a blood oath to protect me always, which is unnecessary, since that’s what Connor’s doing, but it means a lot and I even catch Rowan wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve.

“Well now, that’ll be good in a few hours.” Cathal slams the oven shut and cracks open a bottle of prosecco. “Shall we drink and tell embarrassing stories about my son?”

“Absolutely!” Rowan says, grabbing glasses.

Danielle shoves a Diet Coke at her daughter. “Don’t kid yourself,” she says, and Rowan groans.

“And none for me either.” I put a hand on my belly. “Got this brewing.”

“That’s right. It’s me and you only, Cathy.” Danielle leans against her husband and kisses his cheek. “You’re a doll and a peach.”

“And you’re a brightness that won’t ever fade.” He kisses her lovingly, pecking all over her face.

“Disgusting,” Rowan says but she’s got a big smile on her face.

And sitting there, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced warmth like this before. I never imagined I’d find it in a place like this, at a time like this, when there’s a war happening outside our walls and armed men wandering the halls. Blood’s smeared all over the ground, there’s death in the soil, and here these people are finding ways to make each other happy.

I sink into it the best I can. I laugh as Cathal tells stories about Connor’s childhood. Danielle and Rowan pitch in, talking about Connor’s teenage years—(“I was never sure he’d end up coming home each night, but there he was, pockets filled with cash and blood on his sneakers. That’s my boy.”)—right up into his ascension to the boss of the Maguire clan, and how everything changed for them after that.

“Dad was never a big part of the family,” Rowan explains, and Cathal doesn’t deny it. “He’s still not really, so it was strange when Connor fell into his position, you know? I didn’t really even understand what the Maguires were, aside from my shady cousins.”

“The role changed him,” Cathal says gravely. “He doesn’t smile as much anymore.”

“Did he ever?” Danielle mutters.

“It seems like he has a lot of responsibility,” I say, leaning on my elbows, soaking it all in. “That’s got to be hard.”

“It is.” Cathal cuts his eyes at Danielle and gives her a silencing look. “Connor works hard. He cares about this family more than anything in the world. Which is why I know marrying you was important to him.”

I look down at my hands, at the ring on my finger. “I never meant to cause so much trouble.”

“We know that.” Cathal comes around the island and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Nobody blames you for any of this. Connor did what he did because he felt it was right. Say what you will, but that’s always been his biggest flaw, right, darling?”

“I can name a few others,” Danielle says sweetly.

“Dad’s right,” Rowan says, nudging her mom with her elbow, who grudgingly agrees.

“So if you’re feeling some kind of way about all this, stop right there.” Cathal squeezes my shoulder. “We have your back.”

I don’t know what comes over me. I burst into tears, sobbing so intensely and abruptly that Cathal takes a step back in shock. I apologize, covering my face, but the women immediately come over. Danielle rubs my back and Rowan hugs me tight.

“Pregnancy hormones,” I say, sniffling when I’ve finally got myself under control. “I’m sorry. That was a lot.”

“No apologies needed,” Danielle says firmly. “Trust me, when I was pregnant with Rowie, I was a total wreck.”

“It’s true,” Cathal says. “I caught her crying to an underwear commercial one time. Full-on meltdown.”

I get myself together, only a bit embarrassed. Cathal starts putting together pasta salad and Danielle pours more prosecco. Rowan tries to get me to dye my hair again, but I’m too worried I’ll look stupid and turn her down. They talk about normal things: what to watch later, plans for the next day, worries for the coming weeks, and they don’t make me feel like an outsider, even though that’s what I am.

Yes, it’s true, I saved Rowan’s life a long time ago. She’s got those scars, but she’s alive because of me. Except they don’t owe me anything for it, and now I’ve brought so much worse to their doorstep, made them prisoners in this big house along with me, trapped here because of the war I started. They can make excuses, say Connor did what he did and I have nothing to worry about, but I know deep down these people are suffering because of me, and I wish I could do something to stop it.