Page 48 of Crease Collision

I am tempted to grab his shoulders and shake him, but the wet sheen on his lower eyelids stops me.

“Kai, I apologize if I invaded your privacy, but I did not know what was going on. I still don’t, except that you were afraid.”

That brings the fire back. “For fuck’s sake,” he says, his voice bouncing off the close walls. “Why should I justify myself to you? We weren’t boyfriends. We weren’t anything.”

“You are wrong. We were something. Who knows what we could still be?”

“We can’t be anything!” Panic has filled his ever-changing eyes. “We’re on rival teams. We have to play against each other three more times this year, and that’s only in the regular season. If we make the playoffs, it could be more.”

“My parents are both lawyers in Sweden. They argue in court and still get along. Have you never had friends on other teams?”

“This isn’t about friendship, and you know it. Stop pretending you don’t understand.”

“I understand,” I say, trying to ignore my racing heart. “But I do not understand why that matters more than what we had. More than this.”

“This?” He gestures between us. “Don’t make us into something we never were.”

“Then why did you call me out of the locker room after a game?”

His jaw works for a moment. “Because I deserved to hear it from you, not from some announcer. From what you told me, I thought you were a Swedish guy with a new job.”

“When did you decide to leave town?”

His lips part, but it takes him a moment to say, “Do you seriously⁠—”

I raise a hand to stop him. “Look, I am not asking for promises. Only a chance to figure this out. We don’t have to be angry, Kai. We can choose⁠—”

“God!” He presses his fists to his forehead and groans. When he drops his hands, he looks exhausted. “I don’t know how to do this.”

“Because you are scared, or because you don’t want to know?”

He starts drumming on the table again. “Does it matter?”

“It matters to me.”

“Well, it shouldn’t.” He stands and motions me out of the way, so I get up and step aside. “We play against each other next month,” he says. “I’ll see you on the ice.”

Before I can answer, someone knocks and pushes the door open. It is one of his teammates.

“Kai, the security guard said you were in here. Bus is leaving in five minutes. You coming with us?”

“Yes. Oskar and I are finished.”

He walks to the door, then stops and looks back at me. His mouth opens like he is about to say something. Then he shakes his head and leaves.

He has left me alone in this claustrophobic room. The air still smells of his cologne, something sharp and clean I remember from those August days.

I lower my eyes and stare at the exact spot on the table where Kai was tapping. After a moment, I trace it with my finger.

Jävlar.

The heavy silence makes my chest ache as the truth sets in—he just walked away again. This time, I know exactly who he is, but that is no help. Kai is slipping back behind his walls, and I don’t know if I will ever have another chance to pull him out.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

KAI

The guys are already loud at the back of the bus. Since I can’t face that right now, I take the seat behind the driver. Still shaking, I pull out my phone and stare at it like I’m doing something important. I don’t want people asking questions.