Page 57 of Forever My Lass

“Aye, I’ll nae break my word to ye, mo leannan.”

As her body grew more malleable in his arms, he held her close. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was deeply troubled. While he’d given his word not to question her any further tonight, he could ask questions tomorrow. Madeline’s happiness was far more important to him than it should be, but he’d be a fool not to admit he didn’t like seeing her unhappy. The knowledge made a part of his mind clamor for him to stop digging for the truth.

It was a demand he had no intention of obeying. Whatever had made Madeline unhappy enough to decide to leave Muchalls Hall, he was determined to find out why. The sudden warmth of Madeline’s arm wrapping around his waist created a feeling of contentment inside of him. The strength of it tugged at a part of him deep inside he knew better than to unlock. Iain dismissed the clanging of alarm bells in his head and closed his eyes.

A quiet sound drifted through the air, and Iain looked down in surprise to see Madeline had fallen asleep. The emotion that suddenly gripped his insides as he studied her lovely features made him swallow hard. Closing his eyes, Iain tried to calm his mind. The last thing he needed was to suffer another headache and have Grace arrive out of the blue with a poultice. His daughter was far too sensitive to the pain of others.

If he were honest with himself, he would admit that his bhòidhchead fuilt dorcha was probably right when she said it was best for everyone if she left Muchalls Hall. The voices arguing in his head were loud and clear enough for him to understand the price he’d pay if he asked her to stay. He was far too close to the edge of irrational thought when it came to Madeline, especially when he considered what it would cost him if he let her go.

§ § §

It was still dark outside when Madeline awoke. Slightly disoriented, it took a moment to register the fact that she was curled up against a hard, male body. What she’d thought had been a dream had been real. Her heart skipped a beat. Dear God, what time was it. Almost as if hearing her silent question, a clock chimed the hour of four.

Most of the staff rose around five, and she wanted to be back in her room by then. Carefully sliding out of Iain’s embrace, Madeline laid his arm over her pillow, then slowly left his bed. The pillow might be enough for him not to realize she was no longer lying beside him. Trying not to make a sound, she rounded the bed, grateful for the faint light the embers in the fireplace cast over the floor.

The moment she saw her nightgown and robe lying on the floor, she remembered how quickly they had fallen off her. A split-second later, the memory of Iain exploring her sex with his mouth made the muscles between the apex of her thighs tense and flex with need. She drew in a quick breath and closed her eyes for a moment, then glanced over her shoulder to study Iain as he slept.

If only he weren’t so afraid of loving again. Things might have been different for them. The thought made her heart twist painfully in her breast, and she forced herself to dress quickly. It would be difficult to resist him if Iain were to wake up and try to seduce her back into his bed.

Madeline tied the ribbon at the top of her robe and hurried to the door. The hinges creaked softly as she slowly pulled the heavy oak door open. A quiet sound echoed behind her, and she darted a look over her shoulder to see Iain roll over in his sleep. The sight of him pulling the pillow closer to his body caused tears to well up in her eyes. She would never wake up with his arms wrapped around her again.

It was a painful thought that made the tears threaten to spill down her cheeks. The pain of leaving him sliced through her, and she forced herself to peek out into the hallway. The corridor was empty, and Madeline quickly slid through the half-opened door and pulled it shut behind her.

Seconds later, she slipped into her room and closed her bedroom door behind her. For a long moment, she remained motionless with her back pressed into the solid wood barrier. Tonight had been a mistake. She had been wrong to think making love to him this one time would sustain her after she left Muchalls Hall. All she’d done tonight was to create memories that would torture her in the dark for the remainder of her days. They would be a constant reminder of a happiness that could never be hers. A low sound of misery floated out of her, and she flew across the room to her bed. With a quiet sob, she crawled under the bedcovers to slide between cold sheets. The icy cold was a harbinger of what life would be like when she left Muchalls Hall. It convinced her she would never be warm again.

Chapter 15

Iain leaned back in his chair and stared at the open ledgers on his desk. He’d spent the past three hours balancing the books to ensure his finances were in order, before he created a list of the items he wanted to purchase when he traveled to Amsterdam in another week. While his current state of business affairs was satisfactory, the rest of his life was a different matter altogether.

It had been almost a fortnight since Madeline had spent the night in his arms. Almost two weeks of not being alone with her for even a few minutes to try to persuade her to stay. If things continued as they were, he might have to rethink his trip to Amsterdam. It wasn’t unrealistic to believe that Madeline might leave Muchalls Hall while he was away. The idea of returning home to find her gone was not a pleasant one.

The morning after she’d been in his bed, Iain had awoken with a pillow pressed into his chest. Still groggy with sleep, he’d initially thought it was Madeline’s soft body he held close to him. Exhilaration had instantly dissolved into irritation and disappointment the moment he realized she was gone.

He understood why Madeline had returned to her room while the rest of the household slept. But his reaction to her having left him was what troubled him. The depth and intensity of his disappointment to awaken and find her gone had blindsided him. Worse, he’d been forced to admit he wanted to wake up every morning with Madeline pressed into his side.

The dangerous thought should have made him feel grateful that Madeline was determined to avoid him. It didn’t. Iain wasn’t surprised by her determination to avoid his company. But it was her success at ensuring the two of them were never alone for the past two weeks that Iain found frustrating as hell. He was growing more irritable by the day, and it was beginning to show. This morning in the stables, he’d barely kept a civil tongue when Angus had mentioned Madeline’s positive effect on the girls.

Until their departure for London, Sebastian and Anna had unknowingly served as one of the primary barriers Madeline had used to keep him from capturing a moment alone with her. She’d even refused his demands she meet with him in his study by sending someone with the excuse that she was busy and would speak with him later.

During the day, his business with Sebastian had prevented him from seeking Madeline out, while in the evenings, she’d either given an excuse not to join him and his friends in the salon or she retired the moment Anna did. On the one or two occasions Sebastian had retired at the same time as his wife, Madeline had quickly said her goodnights as well.

Now in the almost three days since Sebastian and Anna had left to return home to London, Madeline was proving as elusive as ever. With Anna gone, the McFayden’s, and the girls had unknowingly taken Lady Starling’s place as the wall between the two of them.

Last night his frustration had reached new heights when he’d caught Madeline alone in the salon after dinner. Just as he was closing the salon door to forestall her escape, Angus had interrupted with an update on a new mare Iain had purchased while viewing properties with Sebastian. Annoyed, he’d watched Madeline say goodnight and leave the room.

His irritation at being denied a moment alone with her had pushed him to the point of walking down the hall to her room in the middle of the night. He’d paced in front of her door for at least fifteen minutes trying to decide what to say to her. That he’d actually convinced himself they could have a conversation outside her bedroom door had been ludicrous.

That would have been impossible. Madeline’s effect on him wasn’t just one of physical arousal. She was the only woman he’d ever met that could make him feel varying degrees of lust, amusement, irritation, fury, and tenderness all within the space of minutes.

It wouldn’t have taken much for any discussion to escalate between them. That would have led to their continuing their conversation in her room simply to keep from waking the rest of the household. That, in all likelihood, would have ended in pleasure, but at a cost to Madeline’s privacy and comfort.

Despite her independent and straight-forward nature, the balance of power between them would have shifted if he had entered Madeline’s room in the dead of night. That he wouldn’t do to her. Her bedroom was her private sanctuary. Iain refused to make her feel as if he had the right to enter her safe haven whenever he wanted. It was why he’d returned to his room without even knocking on her door.

With a muttered oath, Iain sprang from his desk chair and strode to the window to stare out at the North Sea. What could he do to convince Madeline to stay at Muchalls Hall? In the back of his mind, a voice told him to admit he cared for her. Iain quickly slammed the door closed on the thought while telling himself Madeline had shown no sign of reciprocating any such feelings.

In the next breath, the word marriage whispered through his head. Immediately, his jaw clenched. He’d vowed never to marry again and with good reason. No matter what his feelings for Madeline might be, marriage meant children.

Another voice chided him for sidestepping the issue of matrimony with the excuse he didn’t want to make Madeline with child. Deep down he knew the real reason he’d vowed never to marry again. The quiet rap on his study door made him turn around as he called out for his visitor to enter.