Page 48 of Forever My Lass

What man would love her enough for her to trust him with her story. She would always have to guard her tongue. The memory of Iain saying he believed her drifted through her head. Without thinking, Madeline’s gaze shifted to him and saw he was watching her intently. The emotion in his gaze was impossible to define, but it made her heart flutter in her breast.

In the next breath, the second truth she’d been denying since the day Iain had kissed her slammed into her with a force that would have driven her to her knees if she’d been standing. Oh God, she was in love with Iain Fraser. She flinched, and the moment her cheeks grew cold, Madeline knew the color had drained from her face. Iain’s eyes immediately narrowed as his probing gaze met hers. It was obvious he was attempting to determine what was troubling her, and she quickly looked away.

Once more, the reality of her situation crashed down over her like one of the waves that had tried to push her into a watery grave. In the next breath, she remembered the sea had done just that in her own time. It took only that thought to make her queasiness return, and she quickly rose to her feet.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m satisfied Ainslie is completely absorbed with today’s lessons. I should check in on Grace to ensure she’s not having any problems.” She forced a smile in the direction of the two men, then turned toward the other woman. “Thank you for…for an enlightening and irreverent conversation…Anna.”

“A conversation I enjoyed as well.” The viscountess’s brown eyes were filled with a sudden concern as she caught Madeline’s hands and gave them a small squeeze of understanding. “We shall see you at dinner?”

With a nod, Madeline turned and headed back toward the manor. As she walked away, she realized those few moments of laughter with Anna had only been a temporary reprieve from the emotions storming through her. The sudden urge to run away and hide spiraled through her, but she had nowhere and no one to run to.

The churning in her stomach hadn’t eased by the time she entered the back door of the manor. For a moment, she debated going straight to her room. No, the minute Iain learned she hadn’t spoken to Grace there would be questions. Uncertainty and dismay increased her nausea, but Madeline continued to make her way to the kitchen.

Madeline made a cursory review of what the girl had done, praised her efforts, then turned to leave the kitchen. Before she could flee upstairs, Grace blocked her way and eyed her carefully.

“Ye are nae well, Madeline.”

“I’m just a little tired. I didn’t sleep well last night,” she lied as she tried to smile reassuringly at the child.

“I dinnae believe ye. Something is wrong.” The fierce note of concern in the girl’s voice made Madeline shake her head.

“I’m fine, Grace. I’m just a little tired.” The lie was an understatement. She was completely drained. “In fact, I think I’ll go take a short nap.”

Madeline bent down and kissed the girl’s forehead, then walked out of the kitchen and headed toward the stairs. Behind her, she heard Grace utter a sound of frustration, but she didn’t acknowledge it. The turbulent emotions roiling inside her made her stumble slightly as she climbed the stairs. God help her. What was she going to do? She couldn’t go back to her own time, and she’d fallen in love with a man who wouldn’t allow himself to love again. It was a hopeless situation.

If she stayed, her heart would become even more entangled with Iain and his daughters than it already was. Simply as a protection for her own emotional well-being, she needed to find a way to make a life for herself away from Muchalls Hall.

Even if she hadn’t fallen in love with the master of the house, there would come a time when the girls would no longer need a governess. Despite Iain’s willingness to let her teach his daughters as she saw fit, she had a better chance of winning the lottery than finding another employer who wouldn’t drop kick her the moment they realized she wasn’t a real governess. The thought shot a bolt of fear through her.

Was it possible she could find employment working as a nurse? Surely there were doctors in London who could use a qualified nurse. Maybe it would be possible to open up a small practice of her own. Hopelessness cascaded over her. What the hell was she going to do to survive?

As she walked down the second-floor hallway, Madeline saw Bridget McFayden emerging from one of the guest rooms with a load of laundry in her arms. The woman smiled cheerfully at her and nodded as they passed each other. She’d gone only a few steps past the woman, when Madeline stopped and turned around.

“Mrs. McFayden, could I ask a favor of you, please?”

“Aye, what would ye be needing, Miss Whitworth.” The Scotswoman faced her and eyed her with curiosity.

“I’d like to find a job as a nurse. It’s what I was trained to do, and I think it’s time for me to…to move on.”

“I see,” Mrs. McFayden nodded sagely as she narrowed her gaze at Madeline. “Are ye sure ye wish tae do so?”

“We both know I’m not what most people would call a governess, and the longer I stay, the more…I just need to do what I’m good at, which is nursing.”

“Aye, ye are definitely nae what anyone would call a true governess, but I ken the wee bairns will nae be happy tae see ye go. They have come tae be quite fond of ye.”

“Which is exactly why I need to go,” Madeline said with renewed determination. “It’s not healthy for them to become too attached to me.”

“And his lordship? Does he ken how ye feel?” The question made Madeline stiffen. Dear God, were her feelings for Iain so transparent? Her mouth went dry as she met the woman’s steady gaze.

“I’ve been trouble for Iain…Lord Glenburnie since he pulled me from the sea. I’m pretty sure he’ll be happy to see the back of me. Relieved, in fact,” she said with a forced laugh.

“Will he now?” the older woman asked softly.

The skepticism in the woman’s voice was just enough to make Madeline wonder if the housekeeper thought Iain had feelings for her. She quickly dismissed the thought. It was wishful thinking to read something more into the woman’s reply when it came to Iain. Madeline swallowed the knot that had formed in her throat and shook her head in silent rejection of Mrs. McFayden’s words.

“Will you help me?”

“If ye are sure.”