Page 55 of Bluebell’s Fate

Lord Gardner hitched an eyebrow. “You don’t have any spare rooms?”

“No more that are made up for company, although we are working on it. Usually, visitors stay at Cairnsby Hall. I wouldn’t wish that upon you.” Nathaniel felt the familiar itch to reach for his notebook. He wanted to make every available space in their little cottage habitable for all of Bell’s family and friends to be able to stay at when they came. He’d figure out how to afford it later. Tonight though, he would lay awake listening to his wife breathe. The idea was quite thrilling.

The earl nodded his agreement and dropped his voice low. “Thank you, Nathaniel…for caring for her. This marriage has not been what either of you expected, I know, but it seems you’re making the best of it.” He put a large hand on Nathaniel’s shoulder as he stood. It was such an unanticipated moment of tenderness, Nathaniel’s breath caught. How long had he tried in vain to earn his own father’s acceptance and approval? And how had he found such understanding and compassion in a man vastly unknown to him?

As they went their separate ways, Nathaniel allowed his thoughts to pile up. He quietly opened the door to Bell’s room.

“You’re here,” she welcomed him, her voice not nearly as frosty as he’d expected.

“Of course I am. I’m sorry I kept you waiting, Bell. And I’m sorry about dinner tonight. I should have simply refused the invitation.” Nathaniel felt his inadequacies as acutely as a briar stuck into his flesh.

“Where is my father?” she asked.

“He and Lord Winberg are staying in my bedchamber tonight. They wanted to be nearby.”

Bell made a soft humming noise. “And where will you sleep?” she yawned.

“I’ll remain here.” He smiled at her.

Her eyebrows rose high on her forehead. He couldn’t tell if it her shock was good or bad.

Nathaniel playfully put his hands above his head to show his surrender. “Don’t worry, I can make myself comfortable on the rug.”

She gave a half-smile in return. “Come talk to me.” She scooted over to invite him onto her bed.

Nathaniel took off his jacket and boots, and sat next to her, his back leaning on some pillows against the wall. “What would you like to talk about?”

Bell nestled into the crook of his shoulder; she fit there like a well-made glove. “You could tell me about your family.”

Nathaniel let out a long breath. The not-so cryptic conversation from the dinner table made him want to squirm. How could he possibly explain such a complicated history? “My family is quite a mess. I warn you, the story is not a happy one.”

Bell gently squeezed his side. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” She yawned again.

The problem was, Nathaniel did want to tell her. The realization stunned him. For all the times he’d wanted to just forget about his family dynamics, he wanted Bell to be the one he could counsel with. She was already imprinted upon Nathaniel’s heart in a hundred beautiful ways. She was honest, compassionate, creative, kind, and humble. She was a friend like he’d never had before. But he couldn’t form the words to begin.

He wanted to tell her all about torturous years of trying to fill the void in his parents’ hearts after Edwin’s death. He’d tell her about his grandmother, who made him into the man he was today. He’d help Bell understand that his parents wanted him to marry Miss Stone in order to join their lands one day, and that, although unplanned, he couldn’t regret the way his life had played out because all of it had led him to this.

This magical woman he held in his arms. This world that he didn’t feel like he faced alone anymore. This freedom to be himself and be accepted for it. This story—that he hoped was only beginning.

Stars above…he loved Bell. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head, and then he let his words flow, slow at first, like honey dripping from a wooden spoon, until they came crashing down like a waterfall. All the time, he prayed that she’d understand his offering: his heart, his trust, all the five-letter words he’d been avoiding for so long. All this he shared with her as he spoke of his family.

Chapter Thirty-five

The next two days were bliss. Bell was surrounded by her father, brother, and godmother. Not to mention Nathaniel. He’d opened up to her about his family. And although it crushed Bell to hear how his parents treated him, the fact that he trusted her enough to tell her how he was feeling connected her to him. Another improvement from the night was the way he cradled her in his arms while they slept. She’d woken up several times throughout the night, and each time she felt the desire only to draw nearer to him instead of keeping a safe distance. There was a vulnerability in knocking down that barrier, but it brought her joy.

She felt like a kite tethered to her loving husband by a small string of hope. He still had his secrets. He didn’t want to speak of his brother, Edwin. But Bell would give him time and space to process all the changes in his life. She did gather that Edwin and Ian were close friends, thus Nathaniel’s parents gave Ian preferential treatment.

Bell walked arm in arm with her godmother around the garden space that Nathaniel was considering turning into a conservatory. They still hadn’t talked about the conservatory since the night Bell had made the mistake of showing Nathaniel her sketches of the blue room. Something needed to be done to clear the air on the topic, but she didn’t know how to approach it.

Bell looked over at her godmother’s silver hair, shining in the sunlight like water reflected off a lake. She reminded Bell of a fairy, she always had. Perhaps fairies were really just people who were kindhearted and believed in happy endings. If Nathaniel did build a conservatory, would the fairies want to live inside it? Would they feel like a conservatory was a cage? Bell hadn’t ever felt like there were fairies present in other conservatories or orangeries she’d been to. “Godmother, do you think it’s right to cage-in nature?”

“Cage-in nature?” Godmother asked, “What do you mean by that, dear child?”

Bell shrugged as if her question wasn’t important. “I mean, should we be putting plants in a cage? Is it trapping them, or forcing the plants to live less of a life?”

Godmother laughed. “Where did you come up with an idea like that? Heaven knows that plants were made for man. They provide us with food, shelter, and beauty; I’m extremely grateful for them. Our ability to garden indoors in the winter enhances our lives in many ways. I’ve never heard of a plant complaining.”

Bell chuckled half-heartedly. When she’d thought about trapping the plants indoors, she hadn’t been thinking about the plants at all. She’d been thinking about the fairies. Fairies that didn’t really exist. Her godmother was right, having the ability to utilize plants through the winter months was a blessing, not a curse. How much of her girlish fancy had overrun her common sense over the years? “I believe Nathaniel is hoping to build a conservatory here. Although, he hasn’t spoken about it for some time.”