Page 46 of Bluebell’s Fate

Chapter Twenty-nine

Safe. It was the same feeling Bell had when she was alone in her woods with the ancient yew tree at her back, birdsong in the air, and sunlight filtering through the tree canopy. Her husband was safe. He hadn’t judged her or given her a look of derision. He hadn’t raised a single eyebrow in shock at her wasting a day lost in her own thoughts. He’d simply listened. How long had it been since someone took her seriously? She took another steadying breath, not wanting to pull away from his embrace. “I’m not always such a watering pot, I assure you.”

Nathaniel chuckled, and the vibrations of it sent shivers down Bell’s arms. “If you were, I wouldn’t be complaining.”

She looked up at him and smiled. “You like to make me cry?”

He smiled back. “I like to comfort you when you do. Besides, I’ve never seen tears look beautiful until I saw them in your eyes.”

It was Bell’s turn to laugh. What utter ridiculousness. Tears never made anyone more beautiful, but she was grateful for his lighter mood. “So, you’re not angry that I’ve proposed to create two large holes in our home?”

Nathaniel pulled back but kept a hand on her shoulder as he looked at the drawings again. “Windows?”

“Yes. To allow more light into the room.”

“Windows are very different from holes, I assure you.” Nathaniel smiled, but it seemed a little forced.

“But they would be holes first,” Bell teased.

“Indeed. And to what purpose are you putting holes through our home?” His light mood seemed to vanish as quickly as a fairy ducked out of sight from a non-believer.

Bell shifted back and forth on her feet, suddenly more nervous, yet more determined to put his mind at ease. This plan could lift a huge financial weight from his chest. “The windows would face south. I think they might allow enough light in for plants to thrive here.” She bit her lips. “It seemed like a good idea.”

“And what about the conservatory?” he asked, a deep crease marring his brow.

Uncertainty settled over Bell like a thick fog. “I was trying to think of ways to make the concept less expensive to achieve.” She hated that her comment came out more whisper than confident answer.

A shadow passed over Nathaniel’s face, and he stepped back, surveying the room.

The safety that Bell had felt just moments ago went up in smoke. She had the distinct feeling that anything she said would be wrong at the moment. “I’m sorry, Nathaniel. Like I said, they were just my silly ideas.”

He clenched his jaw and nodded to her, “Of course, excuse me.” He sketched a quick bow without meeting her eye and left the room, leaving Bell’s shattered spirit in his wake.

She sank slowly to the floor and pulled her knees to her chest. What had she done wrong? They’d been getting on so well just a moment ago. Had Nathaniel just been luring her into a sense of safety so that she would share her thoughts fully? No, he’d never acted maliciously toward her. It had to be her ideas that disgusted him so completely.

His rejection of her thoughts had been swift and sure, like an arrow to her heart. But it wasn’t just his rejection of her idea that hurt; it was his rejection of her as well. She’d poured her imagination into this room, and she’d been foolish enough to show Nathaniel exactly what she’d been thinking. Her fanciful ideas were nothing to him. She felt the tear in her soul as distinctly as one could see a bluebell rip apart when they tried to turn it inside out.

It was the balcony all over again. Only this time, he chose to leave her instead of the other way around. The energy drained from Bell even further. What was the point of opening her heart if she was just to be shot down? When the candle sputtered and the room was thrown into darkness, Bell made her way to her room and fell into her bed fully clothed. All night, she tossed and turned as if evil spirits were chasing her through her nightmares.

When morning light stretched into her room, Bell called Sutton to have her bring water to drink.

“You don’t look right, my lady,” Sutton said as she set the tray on the bed beside her. She put a hand to Bell’s head. “I say, you’re burning up.” She scampered from the room like a rabbit being chased in the hunt.

Now that she mentioned it, every particle of Bell’s body did ache, and when she tried to move, her head pounded. Bell pinched her eyes shut to block out the light coming in through the window. But more intense than the pain she felt in her body was the torture she still felt in her heart.

She’d been vulnerable, and shared her dreams with Nathaniel, and he’d walked away as fast as his legs could carry him. The familiar feeling tore at her weakness. It wasn’t the first time she’d been abandoned because of her fanciful mind. Most of her peers had shown more tact…they simply didn’t make an effort to continue their acquaintance. That was what being vulnerable did to her; it chased away anyone she could hold close. Well, except for her godmother, and Ash, they had always been constant.

“Close the drapes please, Sutton,” said a deep voice.

Bell imagined Nathaniel was there, but his voice was too soft and vulnerable. Perhaps it was a doctor? She felt like she was caked in a thick, cold mud.

The light in the room diminished substantially, and Bell could feel the muscles in her face and neck relax, just a bit. “Can you hear me, Bell?” There was no mistaking Nathaniel’s voice this time.

Drat the man, he was unchangeable. He would always be predictable, dutiful, and dependable. In short, he was everything Bell was not. Her fanciful, forgetful, and foolish ways must drive him mad. The reality of the burden she must be on him weighed on her heart like a stone. Yet, he was stuck with her, shackled against his will to live with her until the end of his days. It was a tragedy worthy of Shakespeare.

“I’m fine, Nathaniel, just a little under the weather.”

A cool rag was placed on her head, and Bell shuddered. It was so cold it sent a wave of chills across her body all over again.