Page 45 of Bluebell’s Fate

She sniffed. Was she crying? Or was she sick? And why was it that the way she avoided his gaze felt an awful lot like a shut door? He was tired of shut doors. It was past time he started opening them of his own accord. He shifted his hand from her shoulder to her chin and raised her face to his. His breath caught. Two wells of incredible blue reflected in her eyes. Lud, how could she be so beautiful even with tears about to fall? It was almost as if the sheen of water enhanced their brightness, like a magnifying glass made something more clear.

He dropped to his knees on the floor in front of her, and tenderly cradled her face in his hands. “Bell, tell me what is wrong. Whatever it is, I’ll do my best to fix it.”

“It’s me,” she choked out, and brought a hand up to cover her mouth. The tears she’d been holding back flowed down her cheeks like water slipping over a smooth stone; Nathaniel wiped them away with the pad of his thumb. “I am wrong, Nathaniel. I am not who you would have chosen to marry. I’m just a silly girl that lives inside her own head.” She shuddered as if a cold chill swept over her body. “And I don’t know if I can be fixed,” she whispered.

Lud. It was as if she were expressing the feelings he’d been battling his entire life. “You don’t need fixing, Bell. You are quite enchanting just as you are.”

She shrugged a shoulder. “Perhaps sometimes, but not all the time. You said so yourself on the day we met.”

Nathaniel sat back in his chair and racked his brain for what she was referring to. That day had been filled with chaos in his well-ordered life. “I don’t recall what I said.”

Bell took a deep breath. “You said I was still beautiful, but everything else was wrong.”

Nathaniel tensed. Had those been his last words before Bell had disappeared from the balcony that evening? It was no wonder she thought herself flawed; he’d as much as told her that she was. And even worse, he’d meant it that way when he said it, although he didn’t know he was speaking his thoughts aloud. After spending more time with her, he wished he could draw out that woman he’d met in the woods. He’d had glimpses, like when she’d walked over to him just a moment ago, head held high as she walked into what she saw as a dangerous situation. But most of the time, she was quiet and docile. She acted like any young woman might in her circumstance, almost as he’d imagined Miss Stone would act when he’d pinned his hopes on marrying her. How had he been so blind to what he really needed?

If someone had told Nathaniel a couple months ago that he’d want a wife with an imagination, someone who kept him on his toes and had outrageous ideas, he wouldn’t have believed them for a second. Lady Bluebell changed everything he found he wanted.

“If anyone was wrong on that day, Bell, it was me. When I said that everything else was wrong, I meant that the courage, the confidence I’d seen in you in your woods had disappeared. And if I’m being honest, I’m still waiting for those traits to come to life once again.”

Bell tipped her head to the side and looked out the window. “You don’t know what you’re asking, Nathaniel. When left to myself, I am distracted, flighty, and unreliable. None of that fits into the life you have planned.”

Nathaniel chuckled. “Do you know how boring and mundane my plans are?” He sat next to Bell on her bed and put an arm around her shoulders. He could feel heat coming off of her in waves, her breathing coming in short, shallow bursts. However, the speed of her breathing had nothing on the rate of his heart. “But you’re right, I admit that’s not what I had planned.” He pulled her closer. “I will remind you to eat and help you be on time to appointments. I don’t intend to leave you to yourself—I’m asking you to let me come along. Allow me to be a part of the magic that fuels your hopes and dreams.” He bent his head down and rested his forehead against her dark curls.

She raised a hand to his face and caressed his stubbled cheek. “I do not deserve you, Nathaniel. You have been more patient than I could have ever expected with my flaws. I cannot say that it will be easy for me to find my courage again. I’ve been trying, but it hasn’t been the same for some time.”

He read between her words. Things hadn’t been the same for her since they met in her woods, since experiencing the kiss that sealed their fate together.

She shifted her weight, and they came apart as she stood. Taking a deep breath, she held out her hands to him, and helped him to his feet. “Come with me; I’ll show you how I’ve spent my day.”

He held her delicate fingers as he followed her down the corridor to the blue room. The desire he had to remain close to her was overpowering his common sense. For goodness’ sake, she was nervous, and vulnerable—he could feel it emanating from her in shaking, hot, waves. Literally, her hand was quite warm. Or was it his nervousness? Despite her obvious concern, she would allow him a glimpse of who she really was. How was it that he’d lived with her for weeks, and was only now going to learn something meaningful?

She stopped in the doorway of the blue room and took a shaky breath. Nathaniel squeezed her hand, and breathed in the floral scent of her, it was a familiar scent, but one he couldn’t pinpoint. He looked over her shoulder. The room was mostly dark, save for some quickly fading light coming in through the window facing the sunset. “May I light a candle?”

He heard her swallow.

“Yes, that would be helpful.” Bell stepped into the room and walked toward the bed while Nathaniel lit the candle on the writing desk.

He brought it over to her. “What have you been doing today?”

She bit her bottom lip and then gestured to the bed.

Papers covered most of the blue bedding, each one with a drawing or sketch. He picked up the paper closest to him. It looked like a bookcase filled with potted plants. The next paper was a sketch of the back of the house with two large Xs on it. The next page showed an image of a fairy dozing in a bouquet of flowers. She was talented, that much was clear. He’d known before, of course—but to see so many of her sketches again in one place, and having taken only a single afternoon, was quite astonishing.

He thought of the sketch he’d asked his grandmother to allow him to keep that was posted on the back of the door in his bed chamber; it had brought him so much peace, knowing that Bell’s talents could represent such joy. This blue-clad bed was like a treasure trove—glimpses into Bell’s heart, and mind. He raked his gaze over the pages. It seemed an awful lot of the pages were of the inside of this room, but they portrayed the room differently somehow. “This is incredible, Bell! Would you explain precisely what you’ve been working on?”

“They were just ideas. Thoughts about how we could make this room more usable.” She tied her hands in knots in front of her.

What was it that made her so nervous? There was nothing wrong with what she’d done. “Why don’t we sit down, and you can talk me through what you envision?”

She stared at him, her mouth slightly open. Blinking fast, she cleared her throat. “You aren’t angry?”

“Why would I be angry?” He avoided that particular five-letter emotion as best as he could. Besides, Bell drawing all afternoon was nothing to be angry over.

“I…I got distracted, I missed dinner, I likely overstepped my bounds. I could have been doing ten other things that would have been helpful or productive, but instead I ended up drawing all day. You have plenty of reasons to be upset with me, Nathaniel.” The words gushed out of her as if she weren’t able to hold them in, as if a dam had broken, and she was powerless from admitting what she saw as her weaknesses.

Her brilliant eyes began filling with tears. So help him, that was the last straw—she didn’t know how beautiful she looked when she cried. He closed the gap between them and pulled her to his chest. Nathaniel wanted nothing more than to kiss his wife, but it didn’t feel right. He could feel her body shake as she took in halting, short breaths. Nathaniel rubbed circles on her back, and buried his head in her silky, dark hair. For all the years he had spent convincing his heart to tuck his emotions away, he couldn’t convince himself to look at this situation logically. There was no reason he could fathom why she was crying, or why he wanted nothing more than to make her happy again.

Happy…it was one of those five-letter words he didn’t believe in. Or at least he hadn’t in the past. Now he had Bell, and she embodied the word. Perhaps happiness was an option to him now. He had already decided that his marriage wasn’t going to be like his parents’. Marrying Bell might have begun as a business arrangement of sorts, but since then, she had taken hold of Nathaniel’s heart. What could he do to earn Bell’s love in return?