Page 29 of Devils Don’t Deal

My great-uncle looked at me pointedly, so I hurried over with the teapot.

“Do you need a refill?” I asked.

His cup was empty, and one of the sugar confections was missing. “Certainly not. I need a box. These are far too…” his brow furrowed as he searched for an insulting enough word. “Rich to have more than one in a sitting. Your magic isn’t delicate, is it?”

Was that an insult? Not a very bad one. “Right. I’ll get your box then.” And then he’d leave, taking his ogres with him. He could insult me all he wanted as long as he paid. I grabbed the boxes with the sections just the right size for the crystalized flowers and brought them out to him.

I carefully placed the spun sugared confections in the boxes then secured them with a dab of tape before wrapping it in a ribbon and placing it on the table. “That will be fifty-seven dollars and eighty-two cents.” I gave my brightest smile while I stood there, refusing to move until he paid, ogres or no ogres.

“You charge too little,” he said as he handed me a silver card that matched his wings. “Still, you seem to be competent enough at this shop. I hope you aren’t dating any goblins.”

I held the card in my fingers, frozen there for a second. “Excuse me?”

“Dating. Goblins. Are you?”

None of his business, but before I ran his card, he was a customer, so I’d smile and be agreeable. “No, sir. I’m not dating anyone. I’m trying to run a business.”

He gave me the tiniest nod. “Indeed. I know a young fairy person who dates goblins. It’s as if he took your mother and saw inspiration instead of a cautionary tale.” He tsked.

He was going to insult my mother? My smile slid into feral territory. “I’ll go ahead and take care of that. You’re right, I did give you the wrong amount. It’s one-hundred and fourteen.”

He shrugged one bony shoulder. “As I expected.”

I spun around and headed for the cash register, ran his card on the inflated amount due to a personality surcharge, then returned it with my largest smile. “Thank you so much for coming and supporting my new venture. Have a lovely day!” I opened the door for him and his ogre guards, exhaling a sigh of relief when they were finally gone.

Ten minutes later, a few customers came in, and after that was a steady stream all morning. I was out of croissants, of course, but also everything from my fairy cabinet, bought by curious and judgmental fairies who wanted to ogle the goblin-fairy. Once they tasted my treats, though, they didn’t seem to care what I was made of.

I smiled as my profits grew. Divinity moved around the shop, sometimes sitting on the large mushroom fluff just his size between me and the door.

“It looks so real,” a little girl said, fairy wings fluttering as she reached out to touch my rabbit.

He blinked, and she shrieked and laughed while he wiggled his nose in an adorable rabbit way.

Other than a few people saying animals shouldn’t be allowed, and me pointing to a certificate on the wall that declared him my familiar, and therefore legal—although that was a complete fabrication the devil must’ve come up with—everything went even smoother than I’d expected. Toward the end of the day, I only had some cupcakes, half of one large chocolate cake, and a pile of cream puffs left, along with a few dozen macarons in the freezer so I’d have something for the next day.

In other words, it was a success beyond my wildest dreams. If I kept on like this, I wouldn’t need five years to pay back the devil.

The bells jangled, the door swung open, and a draft of cold air came in, extinguishing all the lights and leaving me in the suddenly overcast light from outside. My skin went cold and clammy as the shadow spilled over the floor toward me, a long shadow that smelled familiar.

“The Lady of the Wild Woods. Is there something I can get for you? I have some muffins. Or how about some hot tea?” My voice was shaky but not my hands as I grabbed the teapot and threw the entire contents on the spot where the shadows were thickest.

She hissed like a cat then suddenly solidified, except that she was wrapped in flickering bands of red, like blood made solid but still wet. Shiny. Terrifying. Creepy. Particularly her white, white face and the mouth lined in red. Blood red. Real blood.

I swallowed and backed up while her eyes flickered in time to the long blood ribbons wrapping and unwrapping around her like seaweed strands in an invisible current.

“Not tea? Then what can I get for you? How about some cupcakes?” I threw a cupcake at her. She drew a sword made of blood, slashed through the cupcake, leaving nothing but crumbs of confetti and me standing on the other side of the counter. I wanted to run to the backroom, up the stairs, and through the closet hopefully to Wonderland, but there was no way I’d make it fast enough. Maybe if I shrank. I flexed my shrinking muscles and succeeded in giving myself a headache.

“You will die this day,” she whispered, dry, crackling leaves scraping over a sidewalk.

“Why? You should try eating the cupcakes instead of shredding them. They’re much more delicious than blood or people. Think about it, hm?”

She smiled then the blood sword was coming toward me. I dropped down behind the glass counter, and reflexively brought up my teapot, catching the blood sword with the porcelain lid. I never would’ve thought teapot vs. blood sword would work, but the sword exploded so that blood went everywhere. Ew. Human blood. I’d have to close the shop all day tomorrow for cleaning. But at least I wasn’t dead! Teapot vs. sword was amazing!

And then her second sword came down, skewering me then hooking through my back and raising me so I could face her with the blood sword through my stomach.

“Seriously?” I said, but my words came from far away and the teapot tumbled from my numb fingers. Why did today have to end like this? It had been going so well.

The lady opened her mouth, pulling me over the glass cabinet, and inhaled, sucking my soul and life out of me. Right. Because dying from a blood sword while covered in another sword’s blood wasn’t bad enough.