Page 7 of Angels Don’t Date

It only took a few seconds for her to respond.

How did you get placed as vampire princess? Can’t anyone see that you’re a pastel princess? It’s right on your handle! And your hair is blonde, not dark.

I nodded my head in agreement, like she could see me before I quickly texted back. Right? And now with the annoying assassination attempts, there’s no way I’ll be able to go anywhere to really clarify that my platform is about pastels and sweetness instead of gothic drama. No offense to goths and drama queens everywhere, but it’s not me.

It took forever for her to respond to me again.

Assassination attempts? Srsly?!

Oh. I hadn’t meant to mention that. Who wanted to dwell on the depressing things? Gothic vampire princesses, not me.

It seems like I’m on some assassin forum somewhere. I’m sure my guardian will take care of it. And if I’m killed, I’ll just rise as a normal vampire. Not a big deal.

Except that if you’re undead, you’ll never eat my cakes! Also, it would be harder to be a pastel princess because blonde undead are always kind of…

I clutched my phone tighter. She’d always brushed me off when I said we should meet up for the past five years. She was too awkward to meet real people, and didn’t want to ruin our friendship with her annoying personality quirks, but if she was offering me cake…

I turned to Libby who was still on her phone. “Is there anything I can do to help the Scholar keep me alive?” Being able to eat my best digital friend’s cake in real life was worth living for.

She blinked at me, for a moment her eyes dark and desolate. “He just texted me. You’re meeting with the Vampire King this evening. The plot thickens.”

The Vampire King was coming here? I hadn’t seen my father in fifty years. I’d seen pictures and videos of him, of course, but actually meeting him? I shivered and held my phone tight, holding onto SunRae’s warmth. “Perfect. And he can make a media statement that I’m not his daughter, and none of his enemies need to kill me.”

She gave me a crooked smile that said, no, things probably wouldn’t end so easily, but she didn’t say anything besides a curt “We’ll see.”

Chapter

Three

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked, pausing the very involved process of dipping my strawberry in chocolate to stare at Herald, who had just said the most ridiculous thing. We were sitting in the fancy room at the bottom of the Lydian, with the windows that looked out on the eternal night garden and it’s magically blooming jasmine with the glowing waterfall in the distance.

I didn’t look at the person to Herald’s left, the Vampire King, my father, blonde and sallow but still incredibly, shockingly handsome. Or maybe that’s just the aura he gave off. Or maybe that’s the intent he pushed into people’s minds, although why he’d bother telling his birth daughter that he was hot was a question I didn’t want to ask. Of course, he was as insane as soulless, bloodsucking, amoral vampires got, but one hoped he had some taboos he didn’t break.

“A wedding show. The producer of the Bride Wars has agreed to take on the project, and they’ve gotten Pearly White to be the host.”

I gaped at Herald then at my birth father on accident. “Pearly White the siren? Didn’t he accidentally eat someone on the last show he hosted?” I’d watched that reality show about people switching jobs, when Anna recommended it to me, and it had certainly been a train-wreck you couldn’t look away from. Werewolf taxidermists shouldn’t ever switch places with fairy dentists. Just no.

My sallow yet terrifyingly attractive father gave me a smile that sent a shock of absolute terror down my spine. “Very good for ratings.”

The Scholar shook his head. “You can’t take Katriana for some PR stunt because of her blooming popularity, selling her off to the highest bidder. She’s not for sale.”

The Vampire King turned his smile on Michael the Scholar, who only stared back with his usual calm glower in return. “Not sale, marriage. It’ll be a marriage competition, to see which gentleman she and the audience chooses.”

My guardian and the Vampire King stared at each other for a long time while my heart palpitated and my mind raced.

The Vampire King was in my life. I didn’t want him in my life. He absolutely oozed evil and irony in the most depressing way. And he’d given me an out if I managed to manipulate this situation in my favor.

I clapped my hands and bounced, beaming all around. “A marriage competition like the Bride Wars only choosing a husband instead of cake, dress and venue? That’s much better than career swapping. Then I’d get the chance to date all the most handsome, interesting, charming men that I never meet here in the laboratory! Do you think Monterose Fellicci would be interested? I don’t know if he’s the type to marry, but it would be so romantic, meeting for a duet and then not being able to help ourselves after the power of music brought us together. Or our love could be broken by a newcomer I’d never met before. Someone dashing, strong, dangerous…” And absolutely capable of handling himself against the Vampire King. “Like that angel, what’s-his-name. Richard the Lion?” I knew his name perfectly well, as most people did.

Both vampires flinched. That’s exactly what the angel was good for, making people flinch out of fear and loathing. Sometimes I watched his social media just so I could loathe him more personally.

My evil birth father turned to me with a soft smile covering his sharp teeth. “Katriana, but of course you would need vampire suitors.”

The Scholar shook his head. “Certainly not. As an opportunity to curry favor with your associates, or those who you wish to be aligned to your cause? This isn’t fifteenth century France. If my ward wishes to take part in such folly, it will be with her choice in suitors.” He turned his frown on me. “However, I do not recommend tying yourself to a gentleman you’ve met for such a brief amount of time. Character takes time to clearly discern.”

I smiled and put a hand on his arm. “But we can have character tests to determine nobleness of heart and goodness of soul as well as soundness of mind. And cake baking competitions!”

The Vampire King cleared his throat, a clearly unnecessary thing for a vampire to do as blood was notoriously bad at getting stuck in one’s throat. “I believe that the essential trait is the man’s ability to protect you. As long as you are alive, you’re vulnerable. If you turned, you’d be strong enough to stand on your own.”