Page 173 of Twisted Needs

I lean over the edge of the hot tub and watch the lake stretch into the darkness. Every passing boat leaves ripples behind that travel all the way to shore before disappearing again.

Parker sits beside me with his back to the lake. A small television mounted near the hot tub plays quietly in the background. The announcer’s voice is muffled enough that I can’t make out what’s being said, but I have a feeling it’s something sports-related. I haven’t paid attention to a single word.

Most of the night, we’ve sat in comfortable silence. Not always touching, but always close together like we’re afraid of being apart. Truthfully, I wish I could velcro myself to him after the huge argument with Luca earlier.

“Can I hold you?” Parker murmurs. His lips brush my shoulder.

Something warm unfurls inside my chest. I finally drag my gaze away from the water and look at him. The hot water sloshes around us as I climb into his lap. Parker immediately wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his chest until he’s practically cradling my entire body.

One arm loops around his neck while my fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck. My other hand brushes across his cheek. His stubble scratches pleasantly against my skin.

“Scratchy,” I mouth.

“Do you want me to shave?” he asks. He kisses the tip of my nose before letting his lips linger against my forehead. “I will if you want me to. Keep the beard off.”

“No.” I shake my head. The corner of my mouth pulls into a smirk. “I miss the way your beard feels when you eat me out.”

Parker snorts. “You’re so cute.”

“Mm.” I sink further into him.

His chest vibrates beneath my cheek when he laughs, but the sound fades quickly. His fingers drift up and down my back. “I overheard you guys talking.”

I immediately sigh. “Nosy, nosy.”

Parker lets out a breath. “Anders, I⁠—”

“Shhh.” I press my lips against his shoulder. “You don’t need to say anything.”

“I wasn’t…” He pauses. “Waiting for you.” The words come carefully, like he’s choosing each one before he says it. “But…I don’t know.” He sighs. “I think the moment you first kissed me…” His arms tighten around me. “I think that’s when I started seeing you as something more than somebody I needed to take care of.”

My chest tightens, just from the brutal honesty. “Okay.” I lift my head enough to look at him. The moonlight catches the blue of his eyes. “I think that’s something Luca can live with.”

Parker doesn’t look convinced.

“He just needs to get it out of his head that he failed me or whatever.”

His thumb brushes beneath my eye. “You do know this problem goes deeper than you and me.”

“I know.”

Because this isn’t really about Parker. It’s about the fact that my brother and I have never known how to navigate difficult things without eventually turning against each other.

Brothers fight. Luca and I definitely fight. He calls me a dumbass when I do stupid shit. I laugh when Emelie chews him out for something.

But not every brother spent six months sitting inside a courtroom trying to get custody of a kid he’d only met a handful of times. Not every brother became a parent before he ever got the chance to just be a brother.

That’s where things get complicated. Luca has never seen me as his brother first. He became the person responsible for me, and I understand why. It was traumatic for him. Sometimes I think it was more traumatic for him than it was for me because he remembers everything. I remember almost nothing. The social workers. The court dates. The lawyers.

When you spend years protecting someone, eventually you start confusing protection with control. Luca never meant to suffocate me. He just spent so much of his life terrified something would happen that he never really learned how to let go.

Even when he was on the other side of the country playing hockey, he still found ways to keep an eye on me. Most people would call it nurturing. I called it suffocating. He dipped his hand into every aspect of my life and convinced himself it was just what older brothers did.

“As soon as we get things sorted about you and me⁠—”

“Anders.” Parker’s tone immediately turns serious. “We’re fine, sweetheart.”

I narrow my eyes.