Page 179 of Howlin’ For You

ISABELLA

Ilet Nick hold me through five songs. I let myself pretend like I’m just dancing with my boyfriend and not feeling super betrayed by the one person who promised me he wanted me.

We fit together so well. My soft curves melt into the hard planes of his chest, and I know, despite everything, that this is right.

The fact that we’re mates doesn’t surprise me now that I have a better understanding of what that means. I’ve felt so connected to Nick from the moment I met him. I may have tried to fight it, or rationalize it, but it was always instinctual.

My body knows where it belongs. My soul knows its partner.

That doesn’t mean that this is okay.

“I need to check on vendors,” I finally whisper, pulling back just a little to meet Nick’s gaze.

What I find there slams against the walls I’ve rebuilt around my heart. Tears threaten to spill down his cheeks, but he holds them back. Lets them swim in his crystal-clear blue eyes instead.

“Okay, Izzy,” he murmurs back. Reluctantly, he pulls his arms from around me, and losing his warmth makes me shiver.

The loss is devastating.

I want to make this better for him. The nurturer in me wants to cradle him and tell him everything will be okay.

But I can’t. I can’t put aside my own feelings just to make him feel better.

I have to accept he screwed up. I’m upset about it, and he will be okay sitting with that. I deserve the time to process it.

“I’ll talk to you soon,” I promise, because I will. I won’t let this fester forever. I just need some space to sift through how I feel, and I can’t do that with his beautiful eyes full of tears looking at me like this.

He nods, unconvinced. His hands flex at his sides as if itching to touch me, but barely holding himself back.

And with that, I walk away. I walk toward the vendors I need to check in with, the band that's having its first break in five minutes, the job that’s currently keeping me sane.

I stand in the middle of this event I’ve prepared, this life I’ve built, and I can’t help but look at every single face and wonder who knew. All of these vendors I’ve been talking to, all of these people I’ve gotten to know. Who knew?

Did even Veronica Pasta know?

I don’t want to be here. And just like that, I know what I need.

I need to see what I’ve left behind. I need to walk around my apartment with my revolving door of roommates. I need to see the world I’ve barely thought about since I came here.

I have to see where I came from to know where I’m going. And I can’t do that here, surrounded by people I’m not sure I can trust.

With a plan in mind, I put my head down and make my way through the rest of the night. I absorb the ‘thank yous’ and the joy on people’s faces, knowing I did a good thing. Even if that’s all it is, I can be proud of the time spent here.

I don’t seek out Georgie as I assist in the cleanup. I love her, but I’m too angry at her. And I can’t hear her advocacy for Nick. I can’t hear how wonderful he is, and that he just messed up.

I need to make this decision myself with no one else in my ear.

I crumple up some used plates and napkins and toss them in the trash.

“Ms. Gregory?”

I turn to Mayor Vale, whose hands are stuffed in his crisp slacks. Even at a casual event like this, he’s dressed to the nines. Freshly ironed black shirt tucked into a seemingly vintage belt and a watch that costs more than anything I own neatly wrapped around his wrist.

“Hello, Mayor,” I reply, turning to him as the last of the cleanup crew sweeps through. “Did you enjoy yourself tonight?”

The smile on his face tightens, as if it’s a foreign addition. Not something he’s used to. “Yes. I wanted to thank you directly for your work. I have been inundated with praise for you and your dedication to tonight.”

I smile for the first time since I heard the word ‘mate’. “Why does it sound like your worst nightmare?”