Page 41 of Once Written in Gilded Blood

I stumble to find words as I study the way she’s looking at me. She’s never had this expression with me before, and it’s making everything I’ve planned out for this moment lost in my mind. Everything has gone terribly wrong at the worst time.

My explanation isn’t much, but I try. “We needed protection from the gods. Only our highest-ranked knights and the royal bloodline know of the history and roots of the veil. You cannot blame all our innocent people within the walls, Alira. Not for this.” I take her in, the torn beautiful dress she wore to the festival, her bare feet that are injured from running here, and her unempathetic gaze. “You can blame me, but not them.”

She wrinkles her nose at me with disdain. “We both know that it is the innocent who pay the price of the guilty. I’m going to end all their suffering. No more wars. No more hatred and using the bones of our enemies to keep your kingdom safe.” She spits at me. The fury in her eyes is enough to make the hair on the back of my neck rise.

I wince at her words and take a step toward her. She takes one back. “Alira, I know this is a terrible practice that the demons have carried. But I know you, and you will never be able to forgive yourself for doing this. What you’re saying is…is…” I can’t get the words out.

Her normally blue eyes flicker with a flash of red. As if the fires of Mortem are beckoning her to do what we did to them. How many times did I take her kingdom in the time loops? At least twenty. And while I don’t remember the details as much as the cursed victim does, I remember slaying many, many innocent demigods mercilessly.

And I felt nothing until Alira started to thaw out my heart.

“It is monstrous. It is as ruthless as the gods…as heartless as a time-loop curse placed on a knight so that her curser could get the satisfaction of killing her over and over and over again. Until there was nothing left of her. Until she blamed herself for every wrongdoing.” Alira’s voice is filled with misery.

My eyes widen, and my jaw muscles tighten. How does she know that?

“Alira…” I clamp my lips together and try to think of anything I could possibly say right now. The veil is down. Chaos is ensuing in my kingdom. I’m losing the only person I’ve ever loved and cared about.

Her eyes are filled with golden tears, where the whites used to be are now black, and her irises are red, as if she holds the power from the thousands of demigods that created the veil.

“You betrayed me. You killed me. Then you made me…” She furiously wipes away the tears before composing herself. “You will die with them, Blood Knight.” Alira extends her arm to her side and bends down to pick up one of the blackened stems of a peony. Instinctively, I reach for my sword and unsheathe it.

A small, cruel, and regretful smile pulls at her lips.

“Please, Alira. I can explain the curse… I can explain everything. I wasn’t in my right mind when I placed the curse. It was before I knew it was you. Before…” My jaw trembles, and I have to try swallowing down the tears. Why did it have to be this way?

She stares at me hollowly, not waiting to hear the rest of what I have to say, as she fists the flower; her hand glows with the power of the veil. Did she absorb their energy? My eyes widen.

It’s horrifying.

She looks like a new god, formed from betrayal and misdeeds. Beautiful, and as dangerous as the rest.

I lift the tip of my blade toward her. There’s nothing I can do to ward off the tears; they come in troves and stream down my cheeks in fever.

“Please, little godling. Please, don’t make me do this,” I plead with her, but there’s no give in her gaze. There’s no talking that can put to rest what I’ve done. “I’m so sorry. I can’t undo any of it and I’m sorry.”

Alira doesn’t wait another second. She dips low and surprises me. My eyes can’t trace her fast enough as she darts my way and stabs the black stem into my thigh.

I cry out and fall to one knee, gnashing my teeth together before forcing myself back up to my unsteady feet. She’s behind me in a blur, but I’m faster this time. I’ve fought her before, and my body remembers most of her tricks, even if she’s nimbler now.

I swing the sword down with all my strength, catching her eyes and seeing the fear flicker there momentarily. Of all the times I’ve slain her, it was the look in her eyes that always stayed with me.

My arms buckle with the emotion that rushes through me, and I lose my momentum. I cannot do it. Not even to save my kingdom. I’m not the same demon I once was. Heartless and starved for revenge. I don’t want that anymore.

Alira moves quickly, avoiding the blade and managing to swing back and knock my sword from my hands. I grunt as pain shoots up my arms from the blow.

“Alira, please, listen to me,” I beg as I lift my head to look at her.

She punches my jaw and sends me to the gravel amongst the torn-up flowers. I push myself back up to my elbows and am met with my own sword’s edge, the tip digging into my throat.

“I love you, Alira. I love you so much, and I wish I never did any of the things I have. They are truly awful, but I cannot change the past. I am not the same man. Please…forgive me. I cannot bear to lose you.” My words hang at the edge of my heart, and I can’t breathe. I’ve never felt such heartache, such sharp pain that hurts as much as this.

Wait…

My brows pinch with confusion, and I slowly look down at Alira’s hands gripped tightly around my sword. The blade, where is it… I follow the metal I’ve known for half of my life and find it buried inside my chest, piercing my black heart, and all the ebony blood within my veins twists with betrayal.

“That’s not love,” she says, staring into my eyes. “You had many chances to tell me. To try to make amends. You don’t know what love is, demon.”

I grit my teeth and grip the blade, taking a short, staggered breath that gushes blood into my left lung and makes me cough violently. My eyes lift to hers again.