Page 31 of Bound By Fury

Without thinking, I follow him. There’s a panicked desperation building inside me, and I’m so embarrassed even though I’m helpless to stop it. One year. One entire year of silence has led us to this moment, and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep holding it in. I can’t keep pretending like this isn’t all wrong.

“Why?” The shout bursts out of me like buckshot, spraying against his back. He stiffens, the muscles across his shoulder blades contracting like every labored breath is a chore.

“Eleven years. Eleven summers. You and me. Right? Forever… Right? So why? Why did it have to end like that? Why didn’t you fight for us? One stupid argument is all it took to break us? To tear everything apart?”

My eyes are burning as he turns, shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

“I did everything short of quite literally begging you to speak to me! I called, I sent DMs, I texted,” I rattle off all the ways I’d tried to apologize. “I even fucking emailed you, and you blocked me! You ignored me. Both of you did.”

His face is stone as he watches me.

“It’s not fair. You know it’s not fair. I tried to tell you—” I fight against the tears brimming over my lower lashes. “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll say it a million more times if I have to. I’m sorry. I’m sorry about all of it. The fight. Your parents. Lexie…” I can barely say her name. It tastes like sacrilege.

He looks away. Like he can’t bear to hear it either. And I want to run to him. I want to hold him, to show him how badly I wish I could take that night back. But I don’t move. “I’m sorry that they—that they died. They’re all dead.” My voice cracks, but I can’t stop now. “But I could have… I don’t fucking know. I could have been there for you, I could have done something, maybe. But no, actually, I couldn’t—because you wouldn’t let me—”

“Stop,” he nearly growls. “Take a breath, Jesus fucking Christ.”

I fling my arms up and out. “We’re in a church!”

He rolls his eyes as I flop into the pew beside me.

“You abandoned me. You swore you’d never do that, and you did it anyway,” I say, hating how quiet it comes out. How broken. How selfish.

I’m a monster.

His whole family died, and all I care about is how it affected me. How the accident stole them both from me. Malachi and Lucas. I should be ashamed of myself.

But beneath that knowledge and pain is a still-seething rage, because I’ve been a lot of things, but disposable to the people I thought I loved most is the worst of all.

He laughs, and it’s bitter. “Those promises didn’t mean shit. We were kids. We didn’t know any better.”

He could have slapped me in the face and it would have hurt less. I don’t bother mentioning that we’re still kids, even if only just.

I bite down on the memory of our last moments together.

His fingertips skimming the length of my forearm, his bottom lip caught between his teeth; red-rimmed eyes and the blooming bruise across his cheek.

I slam a door on the thoughts of that night.

“You don’t mean that,” I whisper.

He sighs, rubbing his temples as he shakes his head. “You don’t know me, Harper. Not anymore. You’ve got no fucking clue how deeply I mean that.”

The words come out too delicate. Too carefully cruel. Because I’ve always been soft, and he’s always been all edges.

Sucking in a breath, I stand, bracing my hands against the pew in front of me. “So, what, you hate me now?”

He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t meet my eyes, and I can’t take it anymore.

I stomp to where he slouches in front of the lectern. My steps crack out against the empty room, and I relish the way his eyebrow twitches with every hit.

He doesn’t yet realize that his edges have sharpened me into a blade, too.

“You hate me? Really?” I don’t stop as I approach him. Instead I plant both hands against his chest and push. “You’re not fucking serious! You don’t get to ghost someone who was supposed to be your best friend for life and then sit here and claim to hate me. You don’t hate me. I hate you! I hate you for what you did to me. I hate you for not giving me a chance. For not letting me apologize.”

His jaw ticks, and I savor the knowledge that he’s not as cool as he seems under his hardened facade.

I should stop pushing him, but I can’t. “You’re a coward! You couldn’t stand up to your piece-of-shit father. You couldn’t look me in my face and tell me how you really felt. You let one stupid kiss and a couple of careless words ruin us! And then you threw me away like trash!”