Page 121 of Goodbye Days

His voice rises. “What. About. Justice?”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms.

“In Job, we see the question: Does God pervert judgment? Does the Almighty pervert justice?” He pauses. Lets the crowd clamor for the answer. “It may feel sometimes like he does.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms.

“You may feel as though you are called upon to give more than you can give. To bear more than you can bear. To bleed more than you can bleed. To cry more than you can cry.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms.

His eyes are burning into mine. I want desperately to look away, but I can’t. That heavy-thing-sliding-off-a-shelf sensation. The falling-through-ice. I remind myself to breathe.

“But God is great.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, scattered clapping.

“God is good.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, more clapping.

“God loves us, and so—”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, more clapping.

“God is not unjust.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, clapping, praise-the-Lords.

A sheen of sweat oozes from my forehead. I’m nauseated again. Even that bowl of Special K might have been a mistake. Every eye in the worship hall seems to be following Judge Edwards’s eyes to me.“Psalm thirty-seven tells us the Lord loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, clapping, praise-the-Lords.

“Wait on the Lord, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.” He’s crescendoing in intensity. But no sweat on his brow.

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, clapping, praise-the-Lords.

“You may not live to see man’s justice in every wrong you suffer, brothers and sisters.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, clapping, praise-the-Lords.

“You may not taste that sweet milk and honey in your days upon this land.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, clapping, praise-the-Lords.

“But God is watching with his all-seeing eye.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, clapping, praise-the-Lords.

“And he will have his justice and you will have yours.”

Amens, hallelujahs, yeses, mm-hmms, clapping, praise-the-Lords.

“I am in the justice business.”

Laughter, mm-hmms.

“However, I only mete out the justice of men.”