Page 72 of Mutual Discord

Without thought, I turned until I could link my arms around his neck and rise on my tiptoes to kiss him. The verdict was in: I didn’t want him to stop kissing me, either.

Several lurching heartbeats later, Alex broke away with a gasp, releasing me from his embrace and taking a giant step backward.

“If we don’t stop now, I’m going to have you out of that jumpsuit and your ankles will be around your ears.”

“Oh,” I breathed, smoothing my hands down my thighs. “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Sofia,” Alex groaned, covering his eyes with his arm. “If I don’t get you back there soon, Javi is going to kick my ass.”

The mention of my brother was a douse of ice water to the face, and I immediately turned to grab my coat. “We need to grab some pan dulces or doughnuts to throw him off our scent,” I said, and Alex laughed while he nodded his head in agreement.

As we walked to his car, I pulled my phone out of my coat pocket and saw I had several text notifications. My stomach sank when I saw one of them was from Caitlin.

Caitlin: Merry Christmas, bestie! I can’t wait to see you, Alex, and Denise next week. Please give all my love to your family.

“You look like you saw a ghost. Or a really awful dick pic.” Alex glanced over at me with raised brows. “Are you okay?”

No, everything was not okay. I didn’t know who I was anymore or what the hell I was doing, and I was terrified.

But Alex’s fathomless dark eyes stared back at me with such concern, my ribs squeezed tight and I exhaled.

“Everything’s great. It’s already been the best Christmas ever.” I placed my hand over his on the center console. “Now let’s find some pastries.”

Alex’s dimple winked at me as he turned his hand until he could clasp mine. “Just tell me where to go.”

—

We returned to my parents’ house twenty minutes later after successfully locating a twenty-four-hour doughnut shop. No one was awake when we arrived, so I quietly brewed a pot of coffee and then changed from my jumpsuit into a cozy pair of leggings and a fluffy cashmere sweater.

I found Alex reclined on the love seat on the patio, a throw blanket around his shoulders and a cup of coffee in his hand. On a plate on his lap sat an old-fashioned doughnut, which he ate while he watched the quail, doves, and wrens squabble over the bird feed Papí always left out for them. The sun had not yet risen over the distant Rincon Mountains, but the sky was streaked with gold, amethyst, and coral, a crisp winter desert note in the air. It was one of my favorite times of year, when it was chilly, sometimes even cold, without being biting, and everything felt fresh. I had long viewed the mild desert winter as a reward for the brutal hot summer. It occurred to me on a stutter of breath that it was Alex’s first December in Arizona. His first Christmas. I was so lucky to spend all these firsts with him. Balancing my own cup of coffee and an apple fritter, I joined him on the love seat, exchanging his smile with one of my own.

With soft murmurs and muffled laughter, we swapped stories from Christmases past, and it was lovely to get another peek at the experiences that made Alex who he was. Although it sounded like he fought with his sisters more often than not, he also spoke of them fondly with a hint of wistfulness in his voice that betrayed his homesickness. I wished I could wrap my arms around him and cuddle into his side, but I settled for pressing my thigh against his, hoping my presence was a balm.

Papí joined us on the patio sometime later, a cup of coffee in one hand, a jelly doughnut in the other, and a glazed doughnut caught between his teeth. Eventually everyone trickled out onto the patio, lured by our laughter and the beautiful, crisp weather. Soon we traded coffee for mimosas and Bloody Marys, and doughnuts for scrambled eggs and French toast casserole. My tío, tití, and their flock of kids arrived around midday, and the volume in the house increased exponentially. Gianna and Andrea cornered me in the living room to talk about my TikTok channel and offered tips they were certain my millennial ass didn’t know. To be fair, I didn’t know all the things they shared, but I knew some, and I tried not to be smug about it. Alex joined the others to watch the NBA game, and my Tío Alejandro and Roman were floored when they learned he used to work for the Cosmos. They bombarded him with questions about his time working in the league, before the conversation turned toward the WNBA and women’s sports in general. It was impossible for me not to grin as Alex spoke passionately about how talented and professional the players were, and his hopes that the league’s popularity continued to grow because the players deserved more pay than what they currently received.

Christmas Day was always low-key and relaxing, a much needed reprieve from the celebratory vibes of Nochebuena. And seeing as how I had not slept the night before, my energy waned by early afternoon. Before I slipped away to my room for a nap, I spied Alex dozing in the corner of the sectional, and I watched as Mamí spread a blanket over him.

In my room, I curled up on my bed, cocooning myself in a nest of blankets. I expected to crash immediately, but I should have known better. For in the quiet of the room, all the thoughts that had haunted the outer recesses of my mind came roaring in to take center stage. You’re so selfish. What a whore. How could you betray your best friend? Caitlin is going to be devastated.

Exhausted and overwhelmed, I buried my face in the pillow and cried. And when my throat was raw and I could barely open my swollen eyes, I sank into a deep sleep.

When I awoke, the sun had long since set, and dark shadows climbed the walls. I wandered out of the room, rubbing my eyes, and found everyone sitting around the dinner table, eating pastelón, red beans and rice, and leftover pasteles. I glanced about for Alex and with a start noted that he wasn’t there.

“He went back to his hotel.”

Spinning about, my gaze landed on my mother. “Alex?”

She nodded. “He said he hadn’t slept the night before, and seeing as how he’s a Nochebuena newbie, poor Alex hasn’t had time to build up the necessary stamina.”

“Is he coming back?”

If my mother recognized the pleading note to my voice, she didn’t acknowledge it. “I doubt it, nena. He looked exhausted. I even packed some food and sent it with him.”

“That was nice of you,” I murmured, even as I considered the possibility that Alex wanted to be alone to FaceTime Caitlin. Perhaps open presents on FaceTime. My emotions crashed to the ground.

Mamí stroked a thumb over my cheekbone, and I wondered if she could tell I had cried myself to sleep. “He went in the room to tell you goodbye, but I’m guessing you slept through it.”

I must have, and that almost made me burst into tears anew.