Page 5 of Mutual Discord

Exasperated with my own anxieties, I unlocked my phone and peered at my notifications. He had replied.

User16892: It’s awful that you even feel compelled to extend an invitation. This is your account, and you shouldn’t have to interact or collaborate with anyone if you don’t want to.

My mouth twisted into a small smile. Even though he’d said such a thing before, I appreciated that he repeated the sentiment to me directly. I decided to tell him as much. But then more messages appeared.

User16892: Hey, I’m not saying that to earn your appreciation. It’s the truth.

User16892: And don’t people see how hypocritical they’re being by bullying you to do a live with me, when I haven’t done any of the work that has made your Matildas series so popular?

SLikeTheSun: Omg! Yes! I thought the same thing. WTF?!?!

User16892: People are wild.

SLikeTheSun: I knew that before I started this gig, but wow, I’m reminded daily that the internet is a terrible place.

User16892: It’s a toxic wasteland, but it’s home sweet home. I also look forward to your content. Thanks for what you do, S.

That…was really nice of him to say. I paused, chewing the inside of my cheek.

SLikeTheSun: Thank you. I’ve found it’s easier to ignore the noise when my perfectly normal followers—like you!—leave comments on my videos.

User16892: Ahh, you threw em dashes in there…and used them correctly!

A bark of laughter burst from my throat, and I quickly clamped a hand to my mouth when my feathered friends at the bird feeder all took flight.

SLikeTheSun: How did you know ellipses were like ASMR for my brain?

User16892: Lucky guess.

User16892: You know, once the Matildas are done, you could do a whole series on punctuation and how, when used correctly, it can be—dare I say—attractive.

I pressed my lips together to hold back my smile.

SLikeTheSun: That’s a good idea. But I’ll have to brush up on my punctuation skills; I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself.

My laugh was pure delight when he responded with a simple I see what you did there.

We exchanged messages for several days, sometimes mundane observations about videos that came across our FYPs and other times to snark about comments left on my videos. What we didn’t discuss was the continued bullying campaign. It was as if we had tacitly agreed it wasn’t a good idea, and admittedly, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Until the first thing I saw when I opened my TikTok notifications after my most recent post was another plea for a LIVE.

With a growl, I scrubbed a hand down my face. I could not understand why people were so fixated on this idea, but my brain churned over it, even while I worked on a script for a video about Marthe Gautier and her important contributions to the discovery of the chromosomal causes of Down syndrome. As I sautéed onions, garlic, and sofrito to make arroz con gandules, I considered the pros and cons of broaching the topic with User16892 again. He hadn’t shot down the offer the first time, but he’d avoided it all the same. If I asked him directly, and he said no, it would close the door on the idea once and for all.

SLikeTheSun: So, I’m sure you’ve seen the comments. What would you think about doing a live with me to discuss Rosalind Franklin? I haven’t covered her yet, and I think my followers would enjoy your thoughts on her legacy.

My lungs burned from holding my breath, but I forced myself to hit send.

His reply didn’t come until after dinner. My phone was propped up between books on the coffee table while I painted my nails and listened to my mother on FaceTime as she droned on about my cousins in Puerto Rico. Mamí had spoken with her younger sister, my Tití Cecilia, earlier in the evening, so of course she called to fill me in on all the gossip. And I appreciated it, because one: I was a bochinche, and two: It had been at least five years since I’d visited the island, and I missed my family who still lived there terribly.

But when my screen flashed with a notification from TikTok, I knew it was from User16892.

“And then Cecilia said that Papo lost that—”

“Mamí,” I blurted out, interrupting my mother mid-sentence, “give me a quick moment.”

“Ay, okay,” she grumbled, and then turned to scold my father for sneaking a second cupcake while she was on the phone.

Quickly switching over to my TikTok DMs, I clicked on User16892’s name.